Hey friend, it's the most normal thing around here. One minute you are feeling really positive, and the other minute you get depressed, really down on yourself.
It is not by mistake that people say D is worse then death. At least death is definitive, but D is something that consumes you.
Allow yourself to grieve, first you feel dizzy with desperation, then it comes the need to get her back, then you start feeling angry, soon you feel guilty and then angry again, it's all perfect logical responses for us human beings.
I know, I know... better said then done. But, there is not other way around. So for me, it works to cry when I need to and to feel good when I need to.
The hardest thing for me is the whole detaching... but I am getting better, at first it felt like giving up but now it feels like taking care after my self.
And man, stop blaming yourself alone, it's true that because we are here we tell what we did wrong, but a M is two people and he probably has some faults to point to. So, be grateful that you are humble enough to see all your mistakes but don't beat yourself up for all what happen.
I don't remember reading when did your W D her first H. It makes a difference because she may have some issues from her first M and brought it to the R. Maybe it happen to you too.
About contact with your SS and SD, maybe you can ask your DB Coach or your IC if it would be OK to talk to your W if you can take the kids for lunch along with your kids, so they can catch up on what is going on in their lives. I don't know what is the right thing to do here, but it's almost unfair to separate kids without any consideration.
Maybe now, around XMas time it would be a good idea to go out to celebrate.
It's very hard to go through all this, but it's one day at time and you can do it. Like the idea of martial arts, I did it myself for a long time w/my kid S14. It's was a lot of fun.
Also, if you get this new job, you will be moving to another state. You have been praying and asking guidance from God, maybe he is answering it. Have hope and embrace all the changes you are facing right now.
