I've been away from the BB for quite a while now, and figured it was time for me to check-in. I was pretty bitter about how some of my previous threads went, and it's taken me a while to feel like I could post again.
I suppose since many of you are already familiar with my situation, I'll just get straight to the point. P is driving me up the wall. We're fighting a lot now, then she says she can't understand why I don't want to spend time with her. I've been extremely busy at work, and under a lot of pressure to complete a project. I haven't been spending much time at my desk. Lately, P has been IM'ing and calling me at work, and seems to be trying to pick a fight. In fact, arguements over the phone are happening a couple of times a week now at work. (That's something I absolutely can't stand.)
I've been trying to re-arrange some things at work to be able to spend some time with her Friday evening, but at this point I'm not sure I want to see her at all.
I know we've been through this before, and know that many of you have a very low opinion of me. I can understand why you would. However, I think P needs help. She doesn't often listen to me, but may listen to some of you. If you can help, I'd appreciate it.
I'm going to include a couple of IM chats in follow-up messages to give an idea of how things are going. Actually, they're pretty one-sided conversations since I'm not at my desk much.
I guess I'm just hurting a lot and just wanted to babble a little.
SharaLuke (8:10:36 AM): good morning
SharaLuke (8:10:43 AM): do you feel better today?
DLukenbill (8:13:40 AM): hi
DLukenbill (8:13:42 AM): a little
DLukenbill (8:13:59 AM): didn't get to sleep until around 2
SharaLuke (8:14:01 AM): good
DLukenbill (8:14:02 AM): very tired
SharaLuke (8:14:06 AM): because sick?
DLukenbill (8:14:14 AM): didn't feel well
DLukenbill (8:14:20 AM): couldn't rest
SharaLuke (8:14:36 AM): should I ask if you took anything? :-P
SharaLuke (8:15:05 AM): I was going to send some cookies with you if you dropped off my toothpaste. :-D
DLukenbill (8:15:57 AM): didn't feel like stopping
SharaLuke (8:16:02 AM): On the other hand I didn't want to get too close to you in case you were contagious
SharaLuke (8:17:02 AM): I didn't know if you would feel like it or not
SharaLuke (8:18:50 AM): Got my prescription called in so now all I have to do is get it picked up :-)
SharaLuke (8:19:53 AM): well glad you feel a little better.
SharaLuke (8:22:11 AM): did you get a good report at the dentist?
DLukenbill (8:30:34 AM): y
SharaLuke (8:30:43 AM): good
SharaLuke (8:32:43 AM): Since you are tired, still not feeling great, busy and probably grumpy. Have a nice day! :-D
DLukenbill (8:33:02 AM): :-P
SharaLuke (8:33:07 AM): O:-)
SharaLuke (8:45:11 AM): Jr and Gordon were on tv together last night
SharaLuke (9:11:20 AM): Did you get my message my palm is messed up again? :-(
SharaLuke (9:11:26 AM): :'(
SharaLuke signed off at 9:38:48 AM.
SharaLuke signed on at 10:13:42 AM.
SharaLuke (10:15:11 AM): Got my prescription and still had a week left :-)
DLukenbill (10:15:27 AM): 8-)
SharaLuke (10:20:26 AM): Maybe if you can't figure what is going on with my palm out just wipe anything out that is left of mine and you can have it as I can't seem to keep it working right. :-(
SharaLuke (10:22:14 AM): I put it on charger so it didn't run down again and when took it off said battery low.
At this point, P called me at work and we talked and argued for about 20 or 30 minutes.
Quote:
SharaLuke (11:00:49 AM): I don't know if you have thought about posting again or not. But wanted you to know, having time to think about it after the emotions calmed down. :-P Not going to post about the dinner, past history. Trying to live more in the present moment, except when get blindsided by things. :-(
SharaLuke (11:02:27 AM): Really sorry blindsided you at work. I owe you. ;-) Your choice, what. LOL
SharaLuke (11:17:40 AM): You know I did have a guy the other night offer to "take care of you" for me! I declined aren't you glad to know that?O:-):-D
SharaLuke (11:20:42 AM): I told him if he took care of you and disposed of the body I couldn't collect the insurance! :-P He said he could leave enough for the insurance.
SharaLuke (11:20:56 AM): I'm sure he was joking!
DLukenbill (11:21:12 AM): =-O
SharaLuke (11:21:26 AM): O:-)
SharaLuke (11:22:01 AM): I know you are busy, I am still waiting on emotions to totally settle. :-P Then should be quiet.
SharaLuke (11:22:29 AM): Did you read the first part of my message?
DLukenbill (11:23:23 AM): try what i suggested
DLukenbill (11:23:26 AM): good
DLukenbill (11:23:27 AM): thx
DLukenbill (11:23:29 AM): thx
DLukenbill (11:23:34 AM): shock
DLukenbill (11:23:52 AM): better have been joking
DLukenbill (11:24:02 AM): thx
DLukenbill (11:24:06 AM): did now
SharaLuke (11:24:26 AM): what did you suggest?
SharaLuke (11:24:32 AM): you mean on the palm?
DLukenbill (11:24:38 AM): all
DLukenbill (11:24:39 AM): power
DLukenbill (11:24:47 AM): y
SharaLuke (11:25:03 AM): ok
SharaLuke (11:25:13 AM): SharaLuke (11:02:48 AM): Really sorry blindsided you at work. I owe you. ;-) Your choice, what. LOL
DLukenbill (11:25:49 AM): DLukenbill (11:23:29 AM): thx
SharaLuke (11:26:25 AM): no joke, sense of humor all gone :-P
SharaLuke (11:28:14 AM): going to eat lunch and finish calming emotions down. :-)
SharaLuke (11:28:17 AM): Feel better!
SharaLuke (11:40:13 AM): here is part of wreck from sunday http://www.nascar.com/2004/news/headlines/cup/02/22/clong_rockingham/index.html SharaLuke (11:58:44 AM): :-P:-P:-P:-P:-P
SharaLuke (11:59:03 AM): The awards dinner was in January. Why bring that up? You know he's sick, tired, and stressed.
SharaLuke (11:59:13 AM): In case you can't tell I'm taking you to the woodshed. LOL
SharaLuke (11:59:16 AM): :-(
DLukenbill (11:59:50 AM): ?????????
SharaLuke (12:00:25 PM): Your defense, me in woodshed
SharaLuke (12:00:33 PM): or do you know what that means city boy?
DLukenbill (12:01:10 PM): why taking me to woodshed?
SharaLuke (12:01:21 PM): Not you goof
SharaLuke (12:01:24 PM): me
SharaLuke (12:01:33 PM): I'm getting taken to the woodshed
SharaLuke (12:01:37 PM): :-P
SharaLuke (12:02:30 PM): hold on
SharaLuke (12:03:03 PM): The awards dinner was in January. Why bring that up? You know he's sick, tired, and stressed.
In case you can't tell I'm taking you to the woodshed. LOL
SharaLuke (12:03:10 PM): that was all out of email
SharaLuke (12:03:15 PM): addressed to me
SharaLuke (12:03:24 PM): I'm the one getting taken to the woodshed
SharaLuke (12:03:41 PM): for bothering you while you are sick tired and stressed! :-P
SharaLuke (12:07:34 PM): Of course if it is your fantasy I CAN take you to the woodshed!!! ;-)
DLukenbill (12:08:40 PM): :-P
SharaLuke (12:08:51 PM): O:-)
SharaLuke (12:09:54 PM): well we have all that wood there in the shelter. :-D
SharaLuke (12:10:28 PM): I think I will be good the rest of the day. O:-)
SharaLuke (12:11:54 PM): DON'T want to go to the woodshed more than once!
SharaLuke (12:19:07 PM): I'm sorry, I REALLY want to talk some today :-(
SharaLuke (12:19:38 PM): Not about anything in paticular, chit chat, things going on in life right now! :-)
SharaLuke (12:20:24 PM): I am pretty much having a lot of fun. Enjoying going to Candice's and meeting new people and new restaurants, new food not as crazy about! :-P
SharaLuke (12:25:10 PM): Hey since you were very nice and understanding about my getting blindsided earlier, if you want I will sign off and not be upset.:-) Just tell me ok?
SharaLuke (12:30:47 PM): Hey Rusty going to be and KY speedway Feb 25
SharaLuke (12:30:52 PM): and so is dj
SharaLuke (12:31:40 PM): . Fans can view testing from the Turn 3 Fan Center.
SharaLuke (12:31:49 PM): :-D
SharaLuke (12:36:11 PM): Emotions calmed down. :-) Might even shut up! :-P
SharaLuke (12:42:52 PM): So what are you giving up for Lent? It is the topic on the bb. LOL
SharaLuke (12:58:44 PM): Have you ever seen a fencing match in person? I am supposed to be doing that in the next week or two. :-)
SharaLuke (1:00:11 PM): BTW: I do not have any of these questions I have asked you, I keep closing the window thinking I am going to shut up. :-P
SharaLuke (1:18:38 PM): So ARE you upset with me over this morning or did you forgive me? :-\O:-)
SharaLuke (1:27:10 PM): Not being good after all!!!! Heath blizzard! :-)
DLukenbill (1:29:54 PM): :-D
SharaLuke (1:32:12 PM): Guess I better go, the subject of diet is touchy
SharaLuke (1:32:38 PM): I know you are back on one now
SharaLuke (1:34:38 PM): You could say something :-(
SharaLuke (1:34:52 PM): I have been talking all afternoon
DLukenbill (1:36:00 PM): been in and out all day
DLukenbill (1:36:26 PM): busy, tired, don't feel all that great.
SharaLuke (1:36:28 PM): Of your head????
DLukenbill (1:36:36 PM): probably even grumpy! :-D
SharaLuke (1:36:41 PM): I don't feel too great either
DLukenbill (1:36:43 PM): :-P
SharaLuke (1:36:48 PM): :-P
SharaLuke (1:37:35 PM): ok, over the hump!
SharaLuke (1:38:23 PM): Did you know you can flatten a tire in almost nothing flat?
DLukenbill (1:38:37 PM): n
DLukenbill (1:38:38 PM): did you?
SharaLuke (1:38:54 PM): not till LL posted about it!!! :-DO:-)
SharaLuke (1:39:40 PM): and that duct tape disolves in gasoline
SharaLuke (1:40:03 PM): so if you tape the pin down on a gernade and drop it in the gas tank it will go off after while
SharaLuke (1:40:37 PM): I am learning SO many interesting new facts!@
SharaLuke (1:41:12 PM): You probably knew that one didn't you?
SharaLuke (1:43:07 PM): :-D
SharaLuke (1:43:17 PM): Am I boring you or driving you nuts or both?
DLukenbill (1:43:19 PM): n
DLukenbill (1:43:38 PM): just busy
SharaLuke (1:45:04 PM): ok ok
SharaLuke (1:45:15 PM): I just miss talking to you idiot! :-P
SharaLuke (1:45:34 PM): the shells are great company but the convo is one sided
SharaLuke (1:46:05 PM): Hermit crab!!!!!!! :-P
SharaLuke (1:47:07 PM): You probably don't miss talking to me, too uneducated :-(
SharaLuke (1:47:56 PM): At least I filled you in on the race if you were interested.
DLukenbill (1:50:51 PM): understand
DLukenbill (1:50:52 PM): y
DLukenbill (1:50:55 PM): :-P
DLukenbill (1:51:00 PM): not the case
DLukenbill (1:51:02 PM): thx
SharaLuke (1:52:22 PM): Don't suppose you are going to see Rusty and dj tomorrow
DLukenbill (1:53:16 PM): n :-(
SharaLuke (1:53:38 PM): I bet it would be fun!! :-D
DLukenbill (1:54:28 PM): y
DLukenbill (1:54:55 PM): like both
SharaLuke (1:55:09 PM): Well I CAN'T stop talking :-( so I am going to sign off of AIM so you don't get interrupted the rest of the afternoon
DLukenbill (1:55:20 PM): ok
SharaLuke (1:55:23 PM): Get well, come and talk to me! ;-):-D
DLukenbill (1:55:28 PM): ok
DLukenbill (1:55:31 PM): will try
SharaLuke (1:55:42 PM): :-\
SharaLuke (1:55:49 PM): to get well or to talk?
DLukenbill (1:55:53 PM): don't like sick either
SharaLuke (1:56:49 PM): Well I wasn't sure which part you meant when you said "will try" LOL
SharaLuke signed off at 1:59:19 PM.
SharaLuke signed on at 2:15:35 PM.
SharaLuke (2:16:02 PM): I have a question, but didn't want to ask it on the phone in person, but don't want to send it till you are at your desk.
DLukenbill (2:17:45 PM): here for a little while
SharaLuke (2:18:07 PM): :-[
SharaLuke (2:18:58 PM): Well, I am wondering if you get well if you are planning on coming over ever to ML? It has been a long time!!!
SharaLuke (2:20:57 PM): I could probably get that elsewhere but you are first choice. :-D
SharaLuke (2:23:08 PM): Ok, that is probably an answer in itself
SharaLuke (2:23:12 PM): just wondered.
DLukenbill (2:23:20 PM): dunno
SharaLuke (2:23:41 PM): That isn't an answer, remember you posted that.
SharaLuke (2:23:46 PM): :-P
SharaLuke (2:25:28 PM): Still doing the avoid things aren't you? :-(
SharaLuke (2:27:42 PM): I know you will be pleased to hear this, as it helps your conflict avoidance problem
SharaLuke (2:28:22 PM): but I am almost through, some of your latest answers to my questions and your actions are sort of filling in gaps for me.
SharaLuke (2:28:43 PM): That was a pretty big one right there!
SharaLuke (2:30:22 PM): Pretty important part of relationship, and I would figure a dunno is a no probably
SharaLuke (2:31:18 PM): and if it had been a yes I would have waited on you
SharaLuke (2:34:43 PM): Do you want to try fixing anything around the house?
DLukenbill (2:36:32 PM): ib
DLukenbill (2:36:39 PM): fix what?
SharaLuke (2:37:20 PM): any of the fencing or the guttering or the bathroom leaks
DLukenbill (2:37:45 PM): what's wrong w/ them?
SharaLuke (2:37:58 PM): it looks rather dilapadated with the guttering in the front sagging and all the boards broken and laying down on the fence
SharaLuke (2:38:27 PM): My understanding is the downstairs bath the shower can't be used
SharaLuke (2:38:38 PM): the upstairs bath has a bad leak
SharaLuke (2:38:56 PM): the downstairs commode made a gosh awful noise this weekend so no idea what that was all about
SharaLuke (2:39:06 PM): the gutting is pulling loose across the front
SharaLuke (2:39:26 PM): where it sags where all the water ran over the edge of it
SharaLuke (2:39:49 PM): Things like that, sort of regular house maintance
SharaLuke (2:41:23 PM): I think based on your dunno answer going to go ahead and check on moving out of the state.
SharaLuke (2:41:37 PM): Probably placing shelties
SharaLuke (2:41:48 PM): that was probably last bit of info needed from you
DLukenbill (2:42:09 PM): Pam, I'm very busy, tired, grumpy. I really don't want to fight.
SharaLuke (2:42:15 PM): been keeping a sort of journal of actions
SharaLuke (2:42:27 PM): wasn't trying to fight, was trying to get some answers
SharaLuke (2:43:11 PM): Do you prefer not to know anything?
SharaLuke (2:43:13 PM): I can do that as well
SharaLuke (2:43:34 PM): I was just trying to get the last answers from you
SharaLuke (2:44:00 PM): I have no idea why you think that is fighting, I don't suppose you would tell me?
SharaLuke (2:45:12 PM): I thought letting you know those things and getting info from you was being considerate. :-(
SharaLuke (2:45:21 PM): To me that is what I consider it
SharaLuke (2:47:36 PM): Ok, I won't bother you anymore. I may even unistall AIM
SharaLuke (2:47:43 PM): I have your answers
SharaLuke (2:47:51 PM): and you don't want to know anything
SharaLuke (2:48:42 PM): The kids will still be around Friday so you can see them
SharaLuke (2:50:33 PM): Was there anything else you wanted to say before I signed off?
DLukenbill (2:51:07 PM): Why are you trying to fight?
SharaLuke (2:51:12 PM): I didn't think you would say why you called telling you about the house and asking about ML fighting.
SharaLuke (2:51:58 PM): WHY do you think I am trying to fight???? :-(
SharaLuke (2:52:12 PM): I was trying to get some information from you
SharaLuke (2:52:32 PM): Do you have any idea how frustrating you are to get info out of??????? :-\
SharaLuke (2:53:12 PM): I KNOW you got good at that growing up avoiding your mom but I'M NOT YOUR MOTHER! :-P
SharaLuke (2:53:39 PM): I DON'T want to be your mother!
SharaLuke (2:53:58 PM): =-O:-P
SharaLuke (2:54:10 PM): NOT the kind of relationship I had in mind!!!!
SharaLuke (2:58:45 PM): No answers?
DLukenbill (3:00:37 PM): the redirect routine doesn't change 89w programs.
DLukenbill (3:00:43 PM): I don't remember why now.
SharaLuke (3:01:00 PM): Huh?
DLukenbill (3:01:21 PM): crap.... wrong window
SharaLuke (3:02:08 PM): Who did you think you were typing too?
SharaLuke (3:03:50 PM): :-\
DLukenbill (3:04:02 PM): bunny
SharaLuke (3:04:44 PM): ok cause I didn't know what to do about the 89w program
SharaLuke (3:07:33 PM): Ok, I am going to shut it down now. I guess I will see you Friday. I won't discuss what I'm doing with you anymore.
DLukenbill (3:08:02 PM): i didn't say that
SharaLuke (3:09:03 PM): I ASSumed that is why you thought I was trying to fight. Either that or my asking you about ML?
SharaLuke (3:09:56 PM): SURELY that isn't a fighting question???? :-\
SharaLuke (3:10:58 PM): I wish to crap these type of discussions didn't have to be at work, that you still called or came over after work hours. :-(
SharaLuke (3:18:10 PM): I told you I did get a refill on the Zoloft didn't I?
SharaLuke (3:20:43 PM): Was there anything else you wanted to say to me or ask me?
SharaLuke (3:21:48 PM): I had more but getting answers doesn't seem to be a possibility.
DLukenbill (3:22:10 PM): busy
SharaLuke (3:22:38 PM): Yes, the story of your life. :-)
SharaLuke (3:22:48 PM): but you like it that way, and I do know that
SharaLuke (3:23:12 PM): You don't have to think about life outside of work that way.
SharaLuke (3:23:19 PM): The only focus is David and the job this way.
SharaLuke (3:23:43 PM): Makes life much simplier
SharaLuke (3:24:20 PM): Lots of people have to deal with a personal life as well as work. :-P
SharaLuke (3:26:14 PM): Well, I did want to offer you the opportunity to ask any questions or say anything you might have wanted to say, I know saying anything would be against your standard operating proceedure!
DLukenbill (3:26:54 PM): Damnit Pam. I have problems I'm trying to fix here. There is a manager in from Tucson wandering around the office.
DLukenbill (3:27:03 PM): I really don't want to fight.
SharaLuke (3:28:08 PM): Well, that was an offer not a fight.
SharaLuke (3:28:16 PM): I have NO idea why you are wanting to fight
SharaLuke (3:28:23 PM): I am trying to be nice
SharaLuke (3:28:44 PM): I could just tell you to go to hell
DLukenbill (3:28:49 PM): You're pestering the crap out of me because I'm not answering every damn message you send.
SharaLuke (3:29:35 PM): All you had to do was say no you didn't have anything else you wanted from me or to say to me
SharaLuke (3:29:46 PM): Damn it we meant something to each other once
DLukenbill (3:29:53 PM): I haven't friggin had time to think about it!!!!
SharaLuke (3:30:12 PM): What the F is there to think about
SharaLuke (3:31:02 PM): We can't have these damn conversations outside of work
DLukenbill (3:31:08 PM): I'm not friggin concentrating on what you're typing.
SharaLuke (3:31:45 PM): Well that is nice to know
SharaLuke (3:33:48 PM): Did you ever consider it would be easier to concentrate on conversations away from work?
SharaLuke (3:34:53 PM): You have a couple of my books which obviously you aren't reading now so could you bring them back to me?
SharaLuke (3:44:09 PM): Ok, you aren't concentrating and you don't want to talk. Please bring my books back and take care of yourself.
SharaLuke (3:45:12 PM): I didn't want to make any big decisions today without input from you
SharaLuke (3:46:07 PM): I was halfway hopeful of getting a I do want to talk can we do it after work sometime, but that was wishful thinking.
SharaLuke (3:47:14 PM): Would you at least be civil enough to say good bye?
DLukenbill (3:48:35 PM): Would you be civil and wait a little while?
SharaLuke (3:49:16 PM): I would if you ask me too.
DLukenbill (3:55:19 PM): ib
DLukenbill (3:55:20 PM): sorta
DLukenbill (3:55:44 PM): Still in middle of fixing problem, but at least don't ahve someone standing over shoulder looking at screen.
SharaLuke (3:56:14 PM): I would be more comfortable that way.
DLukenbill (3:56:32 PM): ????
SharaLuke (3:56:38 PM): can you please tell me why you consider my question wanting to fight? :-(
SharaLuke (3:56:48 PM): without someone standing over my shoulder
DLukenbill (3:57:49 PM): You've been pestering and hounding the crap out of me all day when you don't get an answer right away
SharaLuke (3:58:46 PM): actually not
SharaLuke (3:58:58 PM): this afternoon and does that mean I want to fight?
DLukenbill (3:59:34 PM): It does when you get hateful about it
SharaLuke (4:00:16 PM): I was not hateful about it. I have no idea how in crap to get answers from you :-(
SharaLuke (4:01:49 PM): At least I wasn't trying to be hateful, I am sorry you felt I was. :-(
DLukenbill (4:02:15 PM): Would you re-read the IM tonight?
SharaLuke (4:02:37 PM): Yes, would you?
DLukenbill (4:02:52 PM): y
SharaLuke (4:03:18 PM): Do I need above where I asked you about ML?
SharaLuke (4:03:26 PM): because I don't have anything above that.
DLukenbill (4:03:38 PM): I'll e-mail.
SharaLuke (4:03:50 PM): ok, thank you
SharaLuke (4:04:19 PM): I will try to look at it from the receiving end.
DLukenbill (4:04:19 PM): i'll be back. I need to walk for a couple of minutes.
SharaLuke (4:04:45 PM): from me?
DLukenbill (4:04:56 PM): ????
SharaLuke (4:05:12 PM): walk because of me?
SharaLuke (4:05:12 PM): :-\
DLukenbill (4:05:49 PM): Walk because I'm in a pissy mood, i hurt, i'm tired, and there are problems to fix here in addition to the other crap I'm trying to get done.
DLukenbill (4:05:55 PM): I just want to scream right now.
DLukenbill (4:06:00 PM): hoping a walk will help
SharaLuke (4:06:14 PM): good luck
SharaLuke (4:06:33 PM): :-(
SharaLuke (4:11:24 PM): I wish you hadn't put us on the same schedule as the new 3000. :-(
SharaLuke (4:12:18 PM): I hope your walk clears your head, you really might try the meditating, in studies it is shown to increase left side brain activitiy and really help
SharaLuke (4:14:33 PM): Honest it is hard at first but if you keep trying it it gets easier and you go deeper into it.
SharaLuke (4:14:48 PM): It puts so much pressure on my left side forehead it almost hurts.
SharaLuke (4:14:54 PM): and feels sort of trance like
SharaLuke (4:16:01 PM): I hope that just sounds helpful and not motherly :-(
SharaLuke (4:24:11 PM): I know I probably won't hear from you again today, but if you do email the IM I will try reading it from your end and would appreciate if you try reading it from my end when you read it tongiht.
SharaLuke (4:26:00 PM): DLukenbill (4:06:14 PM): Walk because I'm in a pissy mood, i hurt, i'm tired, and there are problems to fix here in addition to the other crap I'm trying to get done.
DLukenbill (4:06:19 PM): I just want to scream right now.
DLukenbill (4:06:25 PM): hoping a walk will help
SharaLuke (4:26:14 PM): I appreciated very much your being willing to share that with me.
SharaLuke (4:26:29 PM): I'm not sure you would have in the past.
SharaLuke (4:40:07 PM): I want to share something with you that you may know but may not. When John stopped making love with me, the frustration level built and the confidence and self esteem plummeted. I truly believe the lack of sex in my life is why I had the affairs that I did. Today I feel VERY sexually frustrated. I don't know what you did all the time you were single when not having an affair if you took care of yourself or not. I have never done that and I am finding this difficult to deal with.
SharaLuke (4:42:23 PM): If I ever found out you shared this really personal stuff with the bitch you would probably end up with more than one flat tire. :-(
DLukenbill (4:47:03 PM): ib
SharaLuke (4:47:15 PM): any luck?
DLukenbill (4:47:17 PM): Did you flatten my tire?
SharaLuke (4:47:29 PM): NO
SharaLuke (4:47:32 PM): Is it???????/
SharaLuke (4:47:37 PM): =-O
SharaLuke (4:47:41 PM): Honest I didn't!
SharaLuke (4:47:55 PM): I haven't left the building except to go to drug store
SharaLuke (4:47:59 PM): you can ask Doug
DLukenbill (4:48:06 PM): I haven't been outside
DLukenbill (4:48:18 PM): "you would probably end up with more than one flat tire."
SharaLuke (4:48:23 PM): well heck why did you think you had a flat tire
SharaLuke (4:48:36 PM): If I ever found out you shared this really personal stuff with the bitch
SharaLuke (4:48:44 PM): Did you do that?
DLukenbill (4:48:56 PM): n
SharaLuke (4:48:59 PM): I said IF
SharaLuke (4:49:29 PM): then why the heck would you think I flatened a tire? :-\
DLukenbill (4:49:55 PM): Because you said I'd end up with more than one. You made it sound like I had one flat.
SharaLuke (4:50:21 PM): No LOL just that if I did it I would do more than one
SharaLuke (4:50:25 PM): :-P
SharaLuke (4:50:36 PM): gee what do you think I would do to you? :-\
SharaLuke (4:50:47 PM): Must have pretty low opinion :-(
SharaLuke (4:51:07 PM): It would take irrefutable proof first
DLukenbill (4:51:14 PM): You've been talking about flat tires, grenades, somebody taking care of me, etc.
DLukenbill (4:51:50 PM): Then all of a sudden you're saying I'd have more than one flat.
SharaLuke (4:51:56 PM): I asked if you knew that as LL posted about it
SharaLuke (4:52:21 PM): and that made me think of the gernade story the other night from dinner
SharaLuke (4:52:47 PM): and that made me think of taking care of you, have you no clue yet how my mind works??? :-P
SharaLuke (4:53:00 PM): :-\:-X
SharaLuke (4:53:39 PM): Hello Mars, Venus here! :-P
SharaLuke (4:54:19 PM): I guess you really don't understand me at all do you? :'(
SharaLuke (4:54:24 PM): I always thought you did
SharaLuke (4:55:03 PM): When I was married to John you seemed to understand me so much better than he did
DLukenbill (4:55:17 PM): me2
SharaLuke (4:55:38 PM): you thought you understood me better than John did?
DLukenbill (4:58:53 PM): y
DLukenbill (4:58:59 PM): thought I understood you
SharaLuke (4:59:00 PM): oh and now you don't?
DLukenbill (4:59:07 PM): think mostly do
DLukenbill (4:59:19 PM): sometimes you don't make much sense.
SharaLuke (4:59:22 PM): I had so hoped you would start actually talking to me
SharaLuke (4:59:26 PM): :-P
SharaLuke (4:59:31 PM): I'm female!
SharaLuke (4:59:36 PM): I don't have to make sense
SharaLuke (4:59:49 PM): Do I?
DLukenbill (4:59:53 PM): :-X
SharaLuke (5:00:36 PM): I just want you to understand me and not feel like I am yesterdays trash in your opinion :-( That hurts so much
SharaLuke (5:00:50 PM): I don't think even John ever made me feel that low :-(
SharaLuke (5:04:10 PM): Guess I'm going home. Hate disagreements
DLukenbill (5:04:11 PM): I never said I think of you as yesterdays trash
SharaLuke (5:04:31 PM): I know that it is the way you treat me that makes me feel like that :-(
SharaLuke (5:04:50 PM): Mostly I feel like you are rude to me
SharaLuke (5:05:25 PM): That may not be your intention but it is the way I preceive it and feel treated
SharaLuke (5:05:51 PM): and it HURTS :-(
SharaLuke (5:05:53 PM): a lot
SharaLuke (5:06:09 PM): I ALWAYS valued your opinon of me a lot
SharaLuke (5:06:15 PM): even in the very beginning
SharaLuke (5:06:48 PM): I have a lot of respect for you, not as much as I used too but still in certain areas respect you
SharaLuke (5:07:30 PM): I think you are very intelligent and very good at your job. Life in general you suck at! LOL
SharaLuke (5:07:58 PM): Does that make you one of those people that is so smart they have no common sense?
SharaLuke (5:08:11 PM): :-DO:-)
SharaLuke (5:09:17 PM): good night, I hope you feel better and get some rest. Exercise is usually good for the wanting to scream and so is meditating!!!! If you need the link again I can send it to you, some of them you can do without sound
SharaLuke (5:09:47 PM): bye
SharaLuke signed off at 5:10:00 PM.
IM conversation with P on Wednesday, 2004/04/25...
Quote:
SharaLuke (8:23:53 AM): Good Morning, DLukenbill (8:24:26 AM): hi SharaLuke (8:24:43 AM): Do you feel better today? DLukenbill (8:25:00 AM): only a little SharaLuke (8:25:28 AM): Get some rest last night? DLukenbill (8:27:52 AM): only a little DLukenbill (8:27:58 AM): tossed and turned a lot DLukenbill (8:29:01 AM): Palm? SharaLuke (8:30:00 AM): You are GOOOOOODDDDD!!!!!! SharaLuke (8:30:03 AM): :-D SharaLuke (8:30:15 AM): It didn't say all SharaLuke (8:32:17 AM): Had bad time with excel and quatro pro last night. :-( Thought I was going to have to pick your brain this morning but figured it out after I slept on it. SharaLuke (8:47:49 AM): Thank you for sending yesterday's IM's DLukenbill (8:48:07 AM): yw SharaLuke (8:48:35 AM): Did you read them again? DLukenbill (8:48:43 AM): I didn't get them DLukenbill (8:48:53 AM): got pc running long enough to download mail DLukenbill (8:48:57 AM): im wasn't there SharaLuke (8:49:17 AM): was the link I sent you to Cal's thread there? DLukenbill (8:49:43 AM): Yes SharaLuke (8:50:56 AM): 8-) SharaLuke (8:53:05 AM): Did you read some of it? DLukenbill (8:58:47 AM): not yet DLukenbill (8:59:39 AM): one of the drives is making noise DLukenbill (8:59:49 AM): need to swap power supply SharaLuke (8:59:56 AM): I hope it isn't your main drive. :-( DLukenbill (8:59:57 AM): would like to get a backup first though DLukenbill (9:00:02 AM): don't think it is DLukenbill (9:00:13 AM): can't tell which one SharaLuke (9:00:15 AM): Seems you have had a lot of drives fail, too hot in there? DLukenbill (9:00:19 AM): n DLukenbill (9:00:22 AM): dunno DLukenbill (9:00:55 AM): slept on shoulder wrong DLukenbill (9:01:04 AM): neck and shoulder hurting more today SharaLuke (9:01:13 AM): advil and blue goo DLukenbill (9:01:56 AM): shaping up to be anohher hectic day SharaLuke (9:04:07 AM): OK, well the main thing I saw in yesterdays IM's is I talked a lot. Was frustrated at not being able to actually get any answers from you but didn't really see hateful. Did notice that what I do and think I did in the past, is IM is hard to tell whole things on so I send you snipets that you have no idea how to take, but I take a totally different way because I have the whole story behind them. SharaLuke (9:04:53 AM): Which probably leads to some misunderstandings on both sides. SharaLuke (9:05:47 AM): I have a funny FB story if you remind me when I see you SharaLuke (9:07:14 AM): Before you go are you mad at me over yesterday? DLukenbill (9:09:32 AM): only a little. mostly just frustrated with how the whole day went SharaLuke (9:10:51 AM): Me too, I wish I could talk to you and you would talk to me :-( SharaLuke (9:11:19 AM): I wish I didn't let you make me feel I am trash :-( SharaLuke (9:15:14 AM): and I wish you would talk to me outside of work hours :-( SharaLuke (9:15:26 AM): I think the car smells hot again. DLukenbill (9:16:15 AM): are you turning on the rear defrost and leaving it on SharaLuke (9:17:14 AM): No, I'm not SharaLuke (9:17:24 AM): I don't turn it on very often at all SharaLuke (9:20:26 AM): Take care of yourself David. Sometimes I don't think you do that very well. SharaLuke (9:20:52 AM): I am sorry you are mad and upset, but I hope you feel better and have a good day. DLukenbill (9:21:33 AM): not too mad or upset SharaLuke (9:26:31 AM): that is good. SharaLuke (9:31:01 AM): PIB has almost stopped posting :-( SharaLuke (9:31:57 AM): Do you ever miss the bb world? DLukenbill (9:32:12 AM): y SharaLuke (9:33:20 AM): Nice people I have kept them current with the fact that you have lots going on at work now and are sick again. SharaLuke (9:34:29 AM): I'll go now. I hope your day goes better than yesterday. Thank you for talking with me this morning. DLukenbill (9:34:38 AM): yw DLukenbill (9:34:48 AM): wish neck would stop hurting SharaLuke (9:35:11 AM): Did you take some stuff? SharaLuke (9:35:19 AM): you could try my neck thing. SharaLuke (9:40:41 AM): I do hope you don't mind I have kept bb current on you busy at work and sick again? DLukenbill (9:41:01 AM): n SharaLuke (9:41:17 AM): ok DLukenbill (9:41:17 AM): almost posted other day - pc locked-up though SharaLuke (9:41:43 AM): Home one? SharaLuke (9:42:34 AM): Does it matter and would it be pushy of me to say I think it is time to build a new one? DLukenbill (9:43:38 AM): y DLukenbill (9:43:41 AM): thinking about it SharaLuke (9:44:32 AM): but not pushy? DLukenbill (9:44:52 AM): n SharaLuke (9:45:11 AM): ok good didn't mean to be! :-D SharaLuke (9:52:38 AM): My back just popped! :-( DLukenbill (9:53:58 AM): yuck SharaLuke (10:04:01 AM): Did my exercises and my meditating past two mornings :-) SharaLuke (10:10:19 AM): My stomach hurts, did you give me something??? :-\ DLukenbill (10:10:38 AM): nope DLukenbill (10:10:48 AM): O:-) SharaLuke (10:12:59 AM): :-P SharaLuke (10:14:25 AM): over 60 degrees this weekend!!! :-D DLukenbill (10:19:49 AM): =-O SharaLuke (10:20:46 AM): yeah isn't that great. The herding club we belong too is doing another thing like we took FB and Shara too before, any interest in going? DLukenbill (10:21:23 AM): probably working again SharaLuke (10:23:04 AM): ok, well thought I would ask SharaLuke (10:23:19 AM): didn't know if you would be interested or not DLukenbill (10:23:19 AM): u going? SharaLuke (10:23:38 AM): debating it. :-) Had fun last time and so did Shara SharaLuke (10:23:43 AM): I don't think FB did! LOL DLukenbill (10:23:50 AM): :-D SharaLuke (10:24:26 AM): BUT the way he herds shimmer now that he is grown I thought he might be more interested. Especially if we let him sit outside the fence and watch like we did Shara. SharaLuke (10:24:46 AM): The newsletter says at the same place it was when we went before SharaLuke (10:30:43 AM): Not sure the van will start. Don't think it has been started since you moved out SharaLuke (10:35:56 AM): Libbye Miller's Smokey Ridge Farm in Elizabethtown on Sunday, February 29th at 12:00 pm. SharaLuke (11:03:31 AM): At least it is a weekend there isn't a race. SharaLuke (11:17:48 AM): Cool, guy just came in that washes cars!!! :-D SharaLuke (12:02:10 PM): Hey {{{{{{{David}}}}} I hope you feel less like screaming today. SharaLuke (12:08:08 PM): I want to help you and I can and it frustrates me so. The psychologist said I had spent my whole life trying to take away people's pain and getting frustrated and depressed when I can't help or do that for them. I think it is the same with the animals but we didn't get into that in either meeting I have had with him SharaLuke (12:12:36 PM): http://www.pathways-to-peace.com/
Hickory posted it over in MLC. If you just start at your screen for the 5-10 minutes it lasts it will definitely have the same impact as meditating!Sage
SharaLuke (12:12:59 PM): I remembered this and with no speakers you can still do this :-) SharaLuke (12:32:07 PM): It is kind of cool!! SharaLuke (1:27:15 PM): I was good and passed on the DQ today SharaLuke (1:57:31 PM): Does my weight bother you????? I just found out you have always been real weight conscious and I never knew it before. DLukenbill (1:58:08 PM): n DLukenbill (1:58:11 PM): I have? SharaLuke (1:58:50 PM): well I didn't know you had :-( SharaLuke (1:59:01 PM): but bunny said you had been ever since she had known you DLukenbill (1:59:15 PM): ????? SharaLuke (1:59:57 PM): concerned about your weight ever since she had known you SharaLuke (2:00:57 PM): I had never known you to be concerned about weight :-) SharaLuke (2:03:20 PM): did you get my earlier messages? DLukenbill (2:04:05 PM): looking.... DLukenbill (2:04:47 PM): y SharaLuke (2:07:05 PM): ok DLukenbill (2:08:05 PM): which part? SharaLuke (2:08:44 PM): Oh I sent several over the time span, not all at once SharaLuke (2:08:58 PM): about the herding club SharaLuke (2:09:02 PM): the meetings with the psychologist SharaLuke (2:09:17 PM): The thing from Sage SharaLuke (2:09:38 PM): That I wished I could help you DLukenbill (2:10:42 PM): thx DLukenbill (2:10:48 PM): appreciate it DLukenbill (2:11:09 PM): quickly looked at the link DLukenbill (2:11:20 PM): words in front of pretty pictures are distracting SharaLuke (2:12:23 PM): well I tried it like she said for 5 or 10 minutes and it was similiar to the meditating and since your system is almost defunct and no speakers figured best you could do SharaLuke (2:29:35 PM): Done any research on new system? SharaLuke (2:31:30 PM): PC I mean DLukenbill (2:31:53 PM): n SharaLuke (2:32:55 PM): Thought you might have SharaLuke (2:41:37 PM): Sent email to Martin and Pauline on Saturday and haven't heard from either one of them SharaLuke (2:41:46 PM): Do you still get newsletters from Martin? DLukenbill (2:41:50 PM): n SharaLuke (2:41:58 PM): kinda funny don't you think? DLukenbill (2:42:03 PM): do you DLukenbill (2:42:05 PM): yup SharaLuke (2:42:14 PM): no I don't SharaLuke (2:42:38 PM): and maybe if he is working on book doesn't do newsletters but makes me wonder SharaLuke (2:42:57 PM): :-( SharaLuke (2:44:43 PM): Did you party for Fat Tuesday last night??? DLukenbill (2:45:00 PM): n SharaLuke (2:45:29 PM): someone asked me if I was going out to get any beads, if that means what I think it does I said no way!! DLukenbill (2:45:55 PM): ?? SharaLuke (2:46:08 PM): How would I get beads? SharaLuke (2:47:17 PM): I was thinking you had told me one time and it wasn't something I was planning to go out and do! SharaLuke (2:49:03 PM): I FFFF***ing HATE Wednesdays, am climbing the walls SharaLuke (2:49:24 PM): I need to call somebody and get layed SharaLuke (2:52:44 PM): Not a problem for you right? SharaLuke (2:55:03 PM): Getting your car cleaned but probably wont' stay that way! LOL SharaLuke (2:58:44 PM): If I ever really, really bad flip out it will be a Wed. or your off Friday or the weekends SharaLuke (2:59:02 PM): those would be times to worry about the kids SharaLuke (3:02:01 PM): I do get more stressed when I'm stressed and you don't answer but at least I know it now SharaLuke (3:16:58 PM): well car looks pretty good SharaLuke (3:21:25 PM): he said it is in bad need of wax but you probably knew that SharaLuke (3:25:40 PM): Figure you aren't going to answer any more today so have a nice evening. SharaLuke (3:31:23 PM): Sorry the link I sent you from Sage didn't help SharaLuke (3:33:04 PM): I still feel pretty flaky at times so IF you do have ANY desire to talk to me about anything you should probably do it before long. SharaLuke (3:37:30 PM): I have debated going through the house and throwing a good part of the crap left laying around away. I know your last trip over when I wasn't home you got a bunch of stuff SharaLuke (3:37:48 PM): so figure you pretty much got important stuff, saw you went through my desk too SharaLuke (3:38:48 PM): It has been a helluva two weeks for [censored] to come up, half way thinking of coming and making trouble tonight. SharaLuke (3:39:04 PM): and you are now making me feel like the trash again :-( SharaLuke (3:40:35 PM): Over half the time you just don't acknowledge that I exist DLukenbill (3:40:44 PM): ib SharaLuke (3:41:12 PM): :'(:'(:'(:-P SharaLuke (3:41:58 PM): I am having a BAD afternoon and you were gone :-( SharaLuke (3:42:05 PM): wrote LOTS! DLukenbill (3:42:14 PM): It's something called "work". SharaLuke (3:42:35 PM): I am working! :-P DLukenbill (3:42:50 PM): I am too. SharaLuke (3:43:05 PM): that is good! SharaLuke (3:44:44 PM): I am probably going to take off or do something before long I can't STAND hearing about the bitch DLukenbill (3:44:59 PM): ???? SharaLuke (3:45:41 PM): I don't know what the question is :-( SharaLuke (3:46:36 PM): I said so darn much I have no idea what you are referencing DLukenbill (3:47:07 PM): SharaLuke (3:44:44 PM): I am probably going to take off or do something before long I can't STAND hearing about the bitch SharaLuke (3:47:37 PM): oh, I need to decide what I am going to do, move to different state or what SharaLuke (3:48:02 PM): I don't think suicide much appeals anymore, must be the higher dosage of medication. SharaLuke (3:48:10 PM): I will miss it in some ways SharaLuke (3:48:38 PM): I got another month of it!!! SharaLuke (3:49:16 PM): I don't paticular ever want to run into you with the BITCH again. :-( SharaLuke (3:50:17 PM): I know she couldn't have had an affair and ruined our marriage if you hadn't went along with it. But you are trained to do what she says. :-( You always have, and she dumped you the first time so makes her more appealing SharaLuke (3:50:39 PM): I guess I'm getting ready to dump you, don't know if you can call it that or not SharaLuke (3:51:35 PM): Don't suppose you will put me on the same pedistal you did her though? SharaLuke (3:56:06 PM): I could possibly be gone by next Wednesday, that would be nice in a way, no more Wednesdays DLukenbill (3:56:32 PM): Quite spiralling downward DLukenbill (3:56:38 PM): quite -> quit SharaLuke (3:56:44 PM): :-D SharaLuke (3:57:12 PM): Deleted message of personal nature. SharaLuke (3:57:17 PM): as she liked that SharaLuke (3:57:21 PM): told G she did SharaLuke (3:57:26 PM): I told him she did SharaLuke (3:58:21 PM): I'm sure at least you don't strip down on the club floor and have sex in front of everyone SharaLuke (3:58:36 PM): You only do that to Sandy!!!!!! ROFLOL SharaLuke (4:00:15 PM): Deleted message of personal nature. SharaLuke (4:01:37 PM): Usually I'm in the mood for making love about a week - 2 before start so much be getting close again SharaLuke (4:05:48 PM): guess I'll throw out the V-day stuff tonight SharaLuke (4:06:05 PM): got that new big garbage can, heavy sucker SharaLuke (4:07:33 PM): Maybe I'll share with the training club Deleted message of personal nature. and she discovered that during you and her's first affair a few years ago SharaLuke (4:07:39 PM): not that that would bother her any SharaLuke (4:08:21 PM): I do still have people from there that feel sorry for me and are on my side and don't like her and have no idea what you see in her, they think she is a bitch DLukenbill (4:08:52 PM): Which part of this week's IM is supposed to make me want to come over? SharaLuke (4:09:19 PM): at a guess none of it SharaLuke (4:09:28 PM): well maybe the morning SharaLuke (4:09:31 PM): or yesterday morning SharaLuke (4:09:39 PM): they were pretty good I think DLukenbill (4:09:43 PM): Why ruin a good conversation? SharaLuke (4:10:13 PM): Well it is Wednesday, the day is winding down and I can't get her out of my head SharaLuke (4:10:27 PM): It will be time for you to go see her soon SharaLuke (4:11:37 PM): See I don't know the other evenings you see her, I only know for sure on Wednesdays. For all I know you go to her house and out to dinner every evening. SharaLuke (4:11:55 PM): You know you could be in trouble if you are spending a bunch of money on her don't you? SharaLuke (4:13:12 PM): I NEED someone to make love to me and I think I would be better SharaLuke (4:13:43 PM): I am feeling SOOOO neglected and trash like :-( SharaLuke (4:15:03 PM): Besides you don't come over now. Only once a month SharaLuke (4:15:34 PM): I even had a special wine for you to try Friday SharaLuke (4:22:16 PM): It is like I get her out of my head after tons of struggling with myself and some kind of crap comes up :-( SharaLuke (4:22:23 PM): that puts her right back in my head SharaLuke (4:24:41 PM): Would you like for me to give you a description of having sex with another man to see if you have trouble getting it out of your head? DLukenbill (4:25:09 PM): I haven't done that. SharaLuke (4:25:31 PM): You told me Deleted message of personal nature. SharaLuke (4:25:33 PM): she is better than me SharaLuke (4:25:39 PM): that is pretty much enough :-( DLukenbill (4:25:43 PM): No, I haven't. SharaLuke (4:26:20 PM): Yes, you told me that gosh when we hadn't been married very long, Deleted message of personal nature. SharaLuke (4:26:28 PM): :-( SharaLuke (4:27:06 PM): and she talked about it too you know SharaLuke (4:27:29 PM): so I heard about you guys sex from both of you :-( SharaLuke (4:28:13 PM): Deleted message of personal nature. SharaLuke (4:28:19 PM): I never told him that SharaLuke (4:28:43 PM): and I won't that would just hurt for no reason SharaLuke (4:30:38 PM): I don't think you told me she was better than me. I think you said you couldn't remember, which left it open to take either way. SharaLuke (4:32:46 PM): anyway knowing Deleted message of personal nature. makes it harder to get her out of my head :-( SharaLuke (4:33:25 PM): Did you know your wife can talk pretty hot? SharaLuke (4:33:33 PM): I could give you an example. SharaLuke (4:33:49 PM): some men like that SharaLuke (4:35:22 PM): and no I know that won't make you want to come over because that turns you off SharaLuke (4:35:51 PM): I actually wasn't aware of that till you moved out. SharaLuke (4:38:06 PM): and some guys are really verbal when they come SharaLuke (4:38:47 PM): Deleted message of personal nature. SharaLuke (4:39:56 PM): Did you see the car is clean? SharaLuke (4:41:15 PM): I assume you quit reading. SharaLuke (4:43:11 PM): I can talk more with you friday night about leaving SharaLuke (4:48:23 PM): I assume you will just close this without reading but good night and I sincerely hope you get some rest and feel better. :-( DLukenbill (4:48:52 PM): ib SharaLuke (4:50:12 PM): Hmm...then you would be behind! SharaLuke (4:51:46 PM): :-\ SharaLuke (5:00:12 PM): bye SharaLuke signed off at 5:00:16 PM.
Received the following e-mail from P on Wednesday, 2004/02/25...
Quote:
Date: Wednesday, February 25, 2004 6:47 PM Subject: (no subject)
Hi,
I have already told you how I feel and how sorry I was for my part in the deterioration of our marriage. So I won't make you read all of it again.
I know you said you think your settlement offer is fair. I don't see how you can say that when some of your premarital stuff isn't counted and mine is, but what the hell, I am giving you the horses, my wedding rings and more of the house stuff to make up for what your attorney thinks I ought to pay you that makes 3 times the salary I do.
If I leave obviously you will get pretty much everything in the house so will have to refigure to pay me for the some of the contents rather than me pay you as much.
I'm done. I can't take anymore of you running with the bitch, at least once she wins and the divorce is final you will start to bore her; but right now you are the prize and she has to win you, I thought that is the way she was probably looking at it and that is what the psychic said about her that she can't believe you married me over her and she has been jealous ever since.
I would have continued the living apart and you figuring yourself out for as long as it took if you hadn't had to start flaunting her in front of people. I wondered if you wanted it to get back to me as a way to hurt me more. That is something I never thought you would be capable of is to deliberately hurt me this badly.
I guess a part that also hurts is the very things you told me you didn't like about me she is much worse about and it isn't like you don't know how she is, maybe not all of it, Glenn and I have discussed more in depth than even I knew. I have no idea why the man stayed with the woman. I guess because he doesn't believe in affairs and divorces.
Hope you feel better, I figure she is putting lots of pressure on you right now to make sure you don't cancel another court date.
I don't know why, the psychologist has asked me why, but I still love you and would have stood by you no matter what happened to you, just so you know I am not anywhere as close to as selfish and shallow as the woman you are leaving me for.
I will probably stay on the Zoloft as long as I can and then talk to the doctor about going off of it as I know I won't be able to afford the prescription or my teeth or glasses or any of that kind of stuff in the future.
I mostly hope you are happy with her, because I love you, I think she will crush you, but that had to be your decision which of us you wanted to be with. I can't wish her happy knowing she sat out to deliberately destroy our marriage. You know how badly this has hurt me but have never even tried to excuse her or explain how my two best friends turned on me. I guess you wouldn't have wanted to know if John had turned on you like that, or else you just can't even bring yourself to talk to me to try to help me deal with all of this mess. My husband and two best friends laughing at me and writting emails to make fun of me behind my back. I saw the one where Janice was laughing at me and Denise was hateful about Lucy. Does she know this is life threatening for Lucy and will not end pleasantly? Does she give a damn about anyone but herself?
Ok, I ran on. But this is all tearing me apart right now and I felt you should know that the threads you read on the bb I experienced a lot of the very same feelings and emotions you read about while trying to deal with the affair and my friends and you.
I don't know if you have realized it even but I believe I can see progress in your communication some. As frustrating as you are to try to talk to at work, I do believe if you would talk outside of work that you are better. I am glad for you as that is good for you, I hope you finish finding yourself.
I would appreciate hearing some thoughts back on this email very much. It is so brushed off feeling to pour your heart out and not hear anything.
I realize this is probably a REALLY SUCKY email, but I was very emotional when I wrote it. Not thinking logically nor able to write a nice clear email.
Take care,
All my love,
Pam
The shells say HI they are at my feet.
Guess I'm not too sure what to think or how to respond at this point.
Heya CHL!! Good to "see you". I do have some questions I'd like to ask you about all of this, if I may. I'd like to do it in such a way that isn't embarrassing or disrespectful for you or for Pam. Would you mind? I would Private Message you if I could figure out how.
Just wanted to say sorry. But like tal, I can't talk here on the board. You have my sympathy; as it looks like P is pursuing you, and that is something we all know we shouldn't do. It is not a healthy for a R according to Michele. Like Tal, I don't know how to send you a private message. I'd be glad and open to listen if you need to talk. And yes, we do all know your sitch. And in the beginning pretty much just got one side of the story.
Ever think of ignoring the IM or blocking IMs from coming in? I have done this with a few guys you are trying to pick me up on the internet.
Hi CHL - I agree with blocking IM's, especially at work. I think we still get one side of the story without you here - and it's easy to have sympathy for that one side when we don't see the rest.
Of course, a lot of us have BEEN where she is. It took me months and months to get through it. She often seems to take it personally that you are not able to talk while at work, sorry about that.
I would probably just cut off the IM's. It doesn't seem to help either of you. I couldn't even get through them all, it just was too much. I can see where I screwed up and if that happened to me (with someone else) that I'd go bonkers too. I don't think men overall are that bad, we women are the ones who often will just talk and talk until we figure things out.
Good morning CHL - I am glad to see you back on the board. I know how it feels to want to Babble some when you are emotionally hurt. I have to admit that I really did not read all of the IM's you posted but I did scan through them some and I really did not see where she was trying to "Pick" a fight. maybe some poor attempts at humor that may have come across in the wrong way. I mainly see that both of you are hurt alot and like you she wants to babble some. However, while you are at work you need to be at work and you can let her know in a nice way that you can not respond to IM's that much and stay on the phone that much. Remember that you can only argue with someone on the phone for as long as you hold the phone in your hand.
I think it would be a good idea to talk one on one with talitsa and Deb to get a woman's point of view.
I hope you are feeling better - I know what it is like to have to go to work when you are not feeling so good.
Just got a phone call from P. She's upset because I've posted, figuring it was our IMs and e-mail. She feels like everyone is going to turn on her and give her a hard time now.
I wouldn't normally do this, but I've created an e-mail account for BB use.
I am 
