It feels like a sensible option to push ahead with the divorce. I should say I still want to reconcile but I'm not seeing how being divorced will make that harder than it is now.
The biggest reason not to is that she might see it as me having a strop and resent me for 'blaming' her. But in the scheme of things that isn't the biggest thing she would have to get over.
Reasons for pushing ahead. - its what she says she wants - it resolves the financials - the legal paperwork won't say it was all me - it calls it what it is - adultery - It shows that im not just going to hang around and let her do whatever she wants - it is standing up for myself more than I have been - maybe she will feel some loss - it worries her that I'm going to do this as it upsets her plan - it might give me some closure
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
I am sure some of the vets could offer much better advice than I, but IMHO, you seem to have some very valid reasons for moving ahead with D. You have to do what is best for Jim and for the kids. Like you, I struggle for closure and while my H chose to file for D and I didn't stand in his way, a part of me is actually looking forward to it being final so I can finally say "it's over" and then let the real work begin.
Hang in there, Jim. I see your posts to others and you are always full of good advice and you seem to be on the right track in your own sitch. Sending positive thoughts and prayers for you and your children.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
my W is away with OM tonight and I've realised that its highly unlikely she will make it back in time for the kids swimming tomorrow (trains dont run early enough). she might surprise me and be here in time.
not that i'm ok with her being with OM but I do object to when this interferes with the kids lessons (and they love it)
My wife will come up with some sort of excuse (overslept or whatever). Is there a sensible way i can respond assertively - id like to have something in mind.
I was thinking something like.
'we both know that you are lying although what you do is your business as long as it does not affect the kids. In future when you make arrangements please make sure you consider the kids schedule as it is not fair to let them down like this.'
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
It might be interesting to find some other arrangements for the non-swimming child (a babysitter, playdate, etc). Probably just an hour or two, right? It would show her that you are A-OK without her.
It might be interesting to find some other arrangements for the non-swimming child (a babysitter, playdate, etc). Probably just an hour or two, right? It would show her that you are A-OK without her.
I agree here for the future. Is there a pool with a crèche? The gym I belong to has one. H and I took 3 grandchildren and the youngest went to the crèche as her swim was short and in the baby pool. I guess the children are in different lessons.
This is a broken promise to her children if she is not on time. The answer is not to go swimming just once and then tell W that her behaviour is unacceptable and you will make other arrangements for swimming if it happens again. Be prepared to act. Ignore the lying part as you will in my opinion weaken your stance, and appears point scoring just failing to show and disappoint is enough.
So:
"I feel that swimming and maintaining the children's schedule is very important, today that broken schedule happened because it takes two of us to take the children swimming and our children enjoy their swim. if this happens again then I will be making alternative arrangements for swimming"
Be grateful if my script could be amended, as I am not the best at this.
Let us know how it goes.
Vanilla
Last edited by Vanilla; 12/14/1411:00 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
