I am very, very happy that things turned about you had a happy ending. There are so many newbies here that need to know that w/hope, patience, compassion, empathy, trust in the system and believing in themselves, that things just may turn around. It all takes time w/a whole lot of patience.
Congratulations! What a beautiful Christmas you will have this year and each year thereafter.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
rH thank you so much for posting what you did- it really does provide great encouragement! I am where you were 2 years ago, on the brink of D, but I know there's still hope from seeing your sitch. Hope is so important- even when we are keeping our expectations low it can push us forward. Thank you for sharing.
I'm so happy for you and your family and wish you a wonderful Christmas!!!
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
Just like last year, H got me way more and way nicer things than I got him.
We had a talk yesterday while we were out at the old property of 20 acres that we are fixing up to sell.
We were standing on the prairie acreage…just him and me while S15 rode the four-wheeler around joyfully catching air over jumps and zig-zagging this way and that.
Somehow we got on the MLC topic and I asked H what he was looking for when he left.
I said,
“I don’t know but things don’t seem all that much different for you now you are back. What was it that you wanted most?”
He said that it was more a matter of looking … but finding the things that DIDN’T make him happy, not that did.
He said the girls, the drinking, the parties, were all a distraction. He said it was the “easy road” and something to delay the inevitable..looking inside and seeing who he really was and what he wanted in this life.
He said that he found out that you can’t have everything you want in life and you choose to be happy with the things you do have.
I asked if it was family, our boys, that seemed the main motivation to come back b/c that is how he acted.
He said emphatically no, it wasn’t. Our boys are disgruntled from time to time and he wants everything to be great. He said if we had D he wouldn’t have to see it and he suspected I would have pushed him out of our lives.
I told him that wasn’t the way the lawyer said it usually happened. Usually the men fade away slowly.
I didn’t want to push him any farther so I said nothing more about it.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Anyway, I wanted to share this with some who are looking at their spouses wondering what is happening…what happened…why?
I would say from looking at my H, that he is a man at peace with himself, a man with peace about his life, his choices. He is exactly the end product that was described to me at the finish of a full MLC journey.
His journey of life continues, but he has battled the fire…actually we battled together (tears coming to my eyes now) and he was victorious!
I’m so proud of him!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I find myself over these last couple of months…staring at him more, amazed at his features, his expressions, his actions, his support of me and anything I want.
I realized this morning…I think, after 2 years of reconciliation, I may be ready for a deeper level of true love. A level he spoke to me about two years ago this December when we had a dinner together at a diner…two weeks from expected final D.
I trust him, I am not afraid of love, and I feel like I am ready for a deeper and truer understanding of who I am and my own goals and dreams.
Cheers to all and wishing you a very Happy New Year!!!!
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
By jove! I believe you are going to have a wonderful new year! I'm glad your h is able to speak a bit more freely about what he was looking for. He does speak the truth about the distractions and you know what? He will talk even more as time moves along. Be patient and don't probe too much and make him feel pressured to answer questions.
Happy New Year! I'm very happy for you and your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Glad you are in a much better place with your H! SO very glad to read your "happy" post here...a glimmer of hope.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Thanks for posting! Very nice to hear the next chapter
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year,
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Your thread is such a ray of sunshine for all of us still struggling. I am so disappointed in my H yet somewhere I keep thinking he has snapped and he'll return by then I think I am crazy for believing that this situation can have a happy ending. Your post has shown me it does happen.
Thank you for sharing.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
