First, I just want to thank all of you here. When I first came here I was so clueless and really really afraid to lose my wife. Now, I do feel genuinely stronger, much smarter, braver, and ready to live a life without my W. (True... my W's behavior did help me feel that way faster.) I still want to save my M if possible. I have a lovely family and a chance at a wonderful M with this unique woman. I know I am worth it so I am ready to continue work on myself starting now.
To that end... time to learn how to do the logistics phase now. I would prefer to be the best me I can be here and do what works related to my goal of saving my M. I do not know what is in my W's mind so I can only work on me. Right now I want to continue standing up for myself and my S11 while leading my family.
I've had good results there by turning this sitch around regarding the condo. I see my W is in fully accepting my leaving for the condo tomorrow and separate Christmas plans. My W tried today to regain control it seems by setting the schedule. She will now stay in our current home until the end of the month. After that she says she will stay with a girlfriend (S11's former tutor) who lives not far from the condo.
I asked her for her dates to keep S11 and to use our family car. (She resisted the rental car idea b/c of the price. I don't have to win that one.)
Here is her letter...
Hi HP,
Here is tentative schedule. Let me know if you are ok with this plan.
S11 will be with you through the morning of Wed Dec 17th. I will pick him up from school on the 17th. and he will stay with me until noon on Dec 21.
He will be with you from noon on Dec 21 until noon Dec 24, Christmas Eve.
I will bring him back to you at bedtime on the 24th. I will then pick him up Christmas day around 2 pm if that works. He will spend Christmas night with me until mid day Dec 28th.
I will drop him off Dec 28th at noon. He will be with you until Jan 1. I will pick him late day on the first so we can depart first thing Jan 2. There is a chance I will be traveling this week to see Stepdad. He is failing and the doctors don't think he will last the next few months.
I will have him until Jan 6.
We can figure out the rest of Jan later.
You will be here to meet the movers on Jan 2. I will make sure the house i cleaned and packed.
I hope this works.
I do not have a problem with the dates except for this week. She wants s11 from Wednesday to noon Sunday. He has a science fair project I am working with him on and basketball practice Wednesday nights. We should be flexible in case he has to spend until Friday morning with me to get his project done right. I'm also think I should be at his bball practices I support him there.
Also on dates, I will have to check with work about taking days off during the holiday weeks so I want to delay firming the holiday dates until Monday. And, I would prefer those noon drop offs on Sundays to be late day around 4pm.
The real issue I have is the car. On her days to have the car and get S11, I would prefer we specify she will arrange a ride to my condo or take the bus to pick up the car instead of me driving the car to where she is and taking the bus back to the condo. Also, when she drops s11 and the car off to me at the condo, I would prefer she arrange her ride home. I do not want her to think it is OK to ask me for rides everywhere.
As always, I don't want to be punitive with any of this so I want to learn how to express my requirements in the best way.
Any suggestions for how I respond to this or any email like this would be greatly appreciated.
She certainly full speed ahead on this. No wavering or crying now. She's also back to not wearing her wedding ring.
Thank you again for all of your help.
Moving to the condo tomorrow.
Me: 44 W: 45 S: 11 Married: 15 Together: 18 BD: 9/29/2014 OM discovered: 10/16/2014 I left her behind: 12/14/2014