Good Friday. It's been a while since I have been on this forum. I am staying at MIL's house over Easter and have had no private time to read and post. At a very large shopping center with W and D16, W held my hand unprompted for a few seconds (very rare). We had a brief conversation about holding hands and then DD16 held my hand (for a lot longer). DD16 likes to hold my hand and she told me that her mum (ie. my W) doesn't hold hands as well as I do. "That's interesting" says I "What do you mean". She told me that she holds your hand for a second or two, squeezes it twice then lets go and scratches her nose. As an experiment I slipped my hand into W's and sure enough she squeezed it twice, let go and scratched her nose. D16 started laughing and told W why which was bad because it left a negative vibe with W about holding hands. In the evening we watched “Love Actually” which is an incredibly romantic film and made me feel very loved up. At one point I made a move to touch W’s arm but she brushed me aside leaving me with the impression that she has no capacity for love whatsoever. It sent me into a funk that got me concentrating on the message in the film that you should go with your heart and all I could think about from that moment and all night long was my OW who I haven’t seen for two years and whose birthday is very soon. My mind was buying her a card and choosing silly presents and meeting her again in a secret car park. I don’t want to think that way. This morning, though, we had a nice chat the theme being how I was not to bring up our R problems in front of D16, which is fair enough. Also that D16 is still suffering from insecurity regarding my fling with OW which made me feel bad. I assured her that I would not do it again but that I was frustrated because she did not appear to be working at our R. She told me that she loved me and that she was working at it in her own way. I got the impression that she was telling the truth and told her that there is bound to be a cross over period on our way to a better relationship when bad old habits such as anger and rejection occasionally come to the surface but we must work through them. She agreed and I was left feeling quite positive. It's a topsy turvy life we lead... SD
