Guess it's just me and it is terrible to think anyone would use this kind of situation with a sick/dying step-parent to manipulate, but at this point, I believe she would do anything to make you feel badly over moving out. Not that she could help what is happening with him, but she takes advantage of whatever she can use. She chose just the right time to tell you, and had the sad & pitful face. Did you notice how she said a "cheap" ticket? She is using this as surely as she was over-playing her supermom role while you were listening. But she couldn't even speak this morning while having a grand time with S11. And she knew she didn't b/c she started out by saying what she should have said earlier.

I hope you will stop yourself from going too far the other direction (like you have in the past when you felt guilty for not responding the way you thought later). I don't think you should offer your shoulder to her to cry on. She meant to make you feel guilty, and she succeeded. Now, out of guilt, you will go overboard in listening and validating. Why can't you just tell her you are sorry to hear about her stepdad, and leave it at that? If you don't, I'm worried you will repeat the same old patterns.

You don't have to be cruel or completely insentive, but neither should you rush in like the concerned H/BFF. She chose to throw that away. Don't allow her to use a sad situation to make you feel sorry for treating her the way she doesn't like. Btw, this may sound punitive due of my lack of explaining it more tactfully, but I assure you that is not what I am thinking.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!