Faith: I'm sorry if you felt like we were calling you out as co-dependent, and some how that has stuck with you.
I read some of the things you said about your H and your reaction to his criticisms and felt like I understood what where you were coming from because I've dealt with similar aspects in my sitch. I felt it might help you to read that book, because I found insight in it. That's all.
I know I'm co-dependent in terms of the reasoning why I think and feel some of the things I do. For instance, I tend to stay away from "genuinely nice" men because I find them boring and less attractive . Some where along the line, I picked up a learned behavior that love doesn't feel "true" or "worth it" unless there's conflict to work through. I don't know how or when I picked it up, but I did. I don't want to continue that going forward.
The term "co-dependent" doesn't make anyone less of a person, just helps identify why we behave in certain ways and how to think about changing our patterns.
Most importantly, for me, I feel like I love me and need to stop wondering what's wrong with me if someone else decides to be critical of certain aspects of me. Either I agree and whatever the complaint is is a trait I feel I need to work on ("I feel like what you said to me was unfair and I didn't deserve it; you do that often when you're upset"), or I don't agree and it's their problem, not mine ("You read too many books, you're a buzzkill").
I decide my worth; no one else.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
