New, looking for help. WAW won't communicate.

[okjpc]

I wish I had more to post about my sitch. But the only thing that has changed for weeks and weeks is my own mood. After feeling strong for a couple of days, I'm back to being a mess. I had to spend a few hours today with my kids at a couple of events in the neighborhood of my WAW's parents at it filled me with sadness, resentment and anxiety that i might run into my W and/or her family. My kids have been acting out towards me ever since the S and I'm tired of dealing with it today. I'm having a hard time and have noone here to hold me, to comfort me, to talk with. Can't get any friends on the phone. I'm in this house that I'm losing at some point to foreclosure and every room holds ghosts and disappointments. I'm hiding in my bedroom for 10 minutes to cry and write this while my kids are doing something in their room. I'm sure i'll be fine in a bit and will figure out something to do with myself and the kids for the rest of the day. But right now I'm really, really sad. I really miss my W. I want some kind of contact. Some kind of hope. Or some kind of end to the uncertainty. I want some kind of magic resolution and story about the rise and fall of the R that I can comfort myself with. I miss my stepkids. I want my family back. I want order. I want certainty. I want my old family routines. And since I can't have that, I just want to run the f**k away.

Thanks for letting me vent. The kids are shouting that they need toilet paper - back to doing the next right thing.