ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Forgiveness takes time any time from 6 months to a year. That's if you can remain on track. My h kept committing large deal breaker betrayals over and over. He expected that forgiveness was
he says I'm sorry And I say it's ok dear, your forgiven. End of process. Not feeling no working thru stuff.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
We are here for you to recycle spew. I love that thought, clean the spew jacket!
Get cleaned up, can we have washable spew jackets?
At some stage with my H I am going to have to talk about spew, I have closed it down a great deal but a lot of the spew is abusive words. Hurtful I can do but abusive? I will not be sworn at. Angry, hurtful, nasty even but abusive? No not having it, not at all. I see spew in its full assortment of ranges, from regurgitation to acid bath spitting. From mild disapproval to full on contempt. And I hate it, any of it. So I can relate. The only way to cope is to detach.
I only validate when the spew grade is less than 5 out of 10 and limited to single complaints. I am not going to validate full on unpleasantness. Like gg said on her thread, that's going to stand against you.
You know it's coming wear that boiler suit if you can't find a washable.
You are doing great my friend rzr, really pleased for you
Vanilla
Last edited by Vanilla; 12/13/1411:05 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
She's extremely resentful of me, then masks it with " I'm not trying to hurt you, we just need to be honest if we're going to have a chance of fixing our problems" . geez.
What did she say? Remember what Sandi said about calling her on her crap if it crosses over into rude or disrespectful.
She's resentful of me because I didn't shut down my parents better. Most of the time it's about how she feels. She's afraid she'll never regain her attraction to me. She wants no part of my family, etc. She mostly kept it to core issues and not OM. That I can handle. There was one time she got disrespectful. Apparently when she was cutting OM off he suggested that they start a PA and just get together when he's in town. She said no, that she was only interested in a real legitimate R. No cheating. She said to me at one point last night she was now considering taking him up on the offer so she could at least have a sex life again, since right now she doesn't see how she could have one with me. I just told her open marriages don't work. It's all or nothing. If she wants to do that, there's the door. She backed off.
As if she's going to tear up her family just so she can have sex every couple of months when he drops into town. When I challenge her on that she just says what she's feeling, not what she's going to do.
Later after she regained her senses she told me she loved me, apologized again to me for all this mess and asked me if the pain will ever go away.
Last edited by Rzrback; 12/13/1412:40 PM.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
She's resentful of me because I didn't shut down my parents better. Most of the time it's about how she feels. She's afraid she'll never regain her attraction to me. She wants no part of my family, etc. She mostly kept it to core issues and not OM. That I can handle. There was one time she got disrespectful. Apparently when she was cutting OM off he suggested that they start a PA and just get together when he's in town. She said no, that she was only interested in a real legitimate R. No cheating. She said to me at one point last night she was now considering taking him up on the offer so she could at least have a sex life again, since right now she doesn't see how she could have one with me. I just told her open marriages don't work. It's all or nothing. If she wants to do that, there's the door. She backed off.
As if she's going to tear up her family just so she can have sex every couple of months when he drops into town. When I challenge her on that she just says what she's feeling, not what she's going to do.
Later after she regained her senses she told me she loved me, apologized again to me for all this mess and asked me if the pain will ever go away.
Ok. That all was REALLY close to over the edge, but you called her on it and she apologized -- both good.
I'm looking for some contrition and remorse here from her (even if it's without the words "I'm sorry"), after the bouts of anger and depression. Will also want to see less and less of the latter and more and more of the former, over the next couple of weeks.
Keep drawing those Sandi "call her on her crap" boundaries, and then backfill with tons of love and forgiveness towards her when she's being respectful but sad.
Interesting exchange just now. She said she loved me, felt like she needed to keep reminding me of that so I wouldn't leave her. I just smiled and went about my business.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
It's a fine line. Trying to be there for her to try and connect, but I don't want her to feel too secure that I'll be there for her under any circumstances.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
