MLC = my last chance

[123Gwen]

Lou - I love your surfing metaphor! I have no desire to add surfing to my GAL list but a trip to Hawaii would be fabulous.

It does come in waves. You feel like drowning but just as quickly as you are awash in those feeling they can disappear. Very weird. After so many years of putting bandaids on everyone else maybe this is just what it feels like to finally be tending to yourself?

Another odd sensation now that I am six months post BD is the fact that I am finally able to accept the fact that H started MLC before OW. I didn't realize it at the time but now it feels like he started to detach about 2 years ago. That was the time OW was hired at his company. I doubt the affair started immediately but it was a perfect storm.

I could not have changed this outcome. H chose this path. He is deep in MLC and I fear knowing his FOO he may never return. H's behavior does not include empathy. I never thought he was a narcissist but perhaps he always has been or maybe those tendencies are amplified. The way he is so detached from our children tells me that this is not about our M. It is sad. It is tragic but I can't let this define who I am.

I never wanted to learn to surf yet I must deal with the waves. Bring me that surfboard and call me Gidget! (Remember those old, old Debbie Reynolds movies? I loved watching those when I was a kid and back then they were 30 years old. She survived Eddie Fisher and made peace with Elizabeth Taylor. I guess we are all in good company. I mean Sandra Bullock is my modern role model.