While it was nice for W to let you know the D papers were coming, one option in my state is that you can get the papers directly from your W (or her atty, or anyone else that makes it easier) and then later sign an acknowledgment that you received it.
Her lawyer probably won't like this option, but it is your W's call. When you have a child (ren) around the house, no one likes to have a sheriff at your house serving papers, let alone divorce papers. And don't let her lie about the papers (adoption papers for goodness sake!) So see if she will simply hand you the papers herself, and then let you later sign and return (promptly) the Acknowledgment to her atty. It saves her $$$ having to pay the sheriff to do this, and it lowers your stress level. A win/win for everyone.
