Saturday afternoon. Quote by Tim47: You know what? I'm beginning to think that [desire] isn't even the goal here.
Surely DESIRE is what it's all about and is the true goal? We need our partners to have the desire for us to get home from work, the desire to share interests, the desire to hold our hand, the desire to kiss us passionately, the desire to tell us how much s/he loves us, the desire to go to bed with us. Without that our marriages are based on a foundation of sand continually shifting from under our feet. HDs, look at that list of desires - you have all of them and more yet your LD/NDs have none of them. How are you ever going to build a GREAT MARRIAGE without equality of desire? Earlier today W and I had a massive row where I laid all the blame on her. I had gone back to bed tired and depressed and she came up stairs and gave me grief about being "grumpy for no reason" - (like rejecting me flat last night despite it being pre-arranged and then not agreeing any follow up is NO REASON). I told her that I had been working my butt off to save our marriage and that she had done nothing at all (I knew I should have kept cool but after yet another sleepless night I just couldn’t stop myself). She argued back that she had been trying but when I asked her what exactly had she done she had no answer. I asked her how has she tried to fill my love tank and she went into a rant about psychobabble. I shouted at her that she had done absolutely nothing, would not talk to the counsellor and would not read the books and it was obvious she did not care. I then went storming downstairs and she stayed upstairs. We have not spoken since (about 3 hrs). I thought she might be reading the book but when I sneaked a look she was doing ironing. She is ND (Negative Desire) and I gauge her general levels of desire at –8 and mine at +8. We will both have to work really hard to get anywhere near equality. If we both work hard, make equal compromises and find the happy medium then both our desires will be (let me work this out a second) 0/10. Does that sound like a GREAT MARRIAGE to you? SD
