H called yesterday and I didn't call by for 2 hours and then sent him a text saying I was busy and didn't have my phone. Trying to GAL and not be so available.
I found out yesterday that his brother got hired so after my son finished talking to H I got on the phone and just said "Hey, I heard your brother got hired, that is so awesome, congrats." I kept it short and sweet, really positive and then ended the convo. H was curt and cold on the phone which was hard for me but I tried to just brush it off.
Was that pursuing behavior too? Are things like this just killing all of the spacing I've been giving him?
I wasn't able to sleep last night thinking I messed up so bad
Me 26 ; H 26 S 8 Married less than a year Bomb 9/15/14 H moves out 9/15/14 H Files 11/21/14 Served D papers 12/31/14
I wasn't able to sleep last night thinking I messed up so bad
Hey, don't get down on yourself. If you identify you made a mistake, resolve to do better going forward. You can't change it, but there's no "messed up so bad" unless you had a massive temper explosion or were physically abusive, or something.
It's not worth losing sleep over every time you back slide and/or make an error. You're human.
This is a marathon, not a sprint. Nothing will hinder your progress that much that you need to dwell.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Cadet, may I ask how you think he is trampling over me? Is there an example you can give that might help me to see from a different perspective? My counselor said something similar but wasn't able to provide one.
The last thing I want is to be walked over, because I am trying so hard to be strong and confident. For MYSELF but also for my M.
Any help, input is so appreciated.
Me 26 ; H 26 S 8 Married less than a year Bomb 9/15/14 H moves out 9/15/14 H Files 11/21/14 Served D papers 12/31/14
Thanks Little! I am trying to remember that. Part of the problem in our M is the H is very critical of me, and it's really messed with my confidence and self worth. I tend to doubt myself A LOT, and this is a huge struggle when it comes to DB'ing.
Me 26 ; H 26 S 8 Married less than a year Bomb 9/15/14 H moves out 9/15/14 H Files 11/21/14 Served D papers 12/31/14
I just started this book and I love it so much I'm going to reccomend it to you: Women Who Love Too Much.
It addresses those kinds of relationships and helps you identify why some women (like me!) need acceptance from someone so frantically and yet their own acceptance of themselves never occurs to them.
You may find it helpful! I certainly do!
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
From Wikipedia - Codependent relationships are a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person's addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.
From mentalhealthamerica - Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. The disorder was first identified about ten years ago as the result of years of studying interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics. Co-dependent behavior is learned by watching and imitating other family members who display this type of behavior.
Little & Cadet, since you two are suggesting that I am co-dependent and in an unhealthy relationship, are you also suggesting that maybe I shouldn't want to get back with my H? How should I change the way I'm doing things to break this pattern?
Me 26 ; H 26 S 8 Married less than a year Bomb 9/15/14 H moves out 9/15/14 H Files 11/21/14 Served D papers 12/31/14
Kept my distance from H since Wednesday. No phone calls, only texted about necessary things. He was supposed to see my son tonight but after working 36 hours he said he just needed to get some sleep. He offered to bring us dinner and stop by to give S a hug and kiss. I politely declined his offer for food. When he got to the house he was very cold and distant. I didn't approach him or make conversation but kept my distance and stayed away. When I made a comment about the food smelling good, he asked why I didn't want any and I told him I had plans to go to dinner. He immediately asked with who and it made me feel good to show I am GAL. We barely spoke or even looked at each other but I feel surprisingly good. Working hard to detach
Me 26 ; H 26 S 8 Married less than a year Bomb 9/15/14 H moves out 9/15/14 H Files 11/21/14 Served D papers 12/31/14
Little & Cadet, since you two are suggesting that I am co-dependent and in an unhealthy relationship, are you also suggesting that maybe I shouldn't want to get back with my H? How should I change the way I'm doing things to break this pattern?
I am not suggesting that, it is for you to decide. Even if you are to find a new relationship your co-dependecy wont stop. Changing is not something I can simply describe. Read the book Co-dependent no more.(Melodie Beattie)
