Quote: It depresses me, Tim, that we are so similar - and hairdog, CeMar, Dave36, luvhubby and honeypot - because it's starting to look as if it's something to do with our personality type that turns our partners on initially then turns them off with time.
SD, you've simply got to stop these self-defeating lines of thought. Yes, I said self-defeating.Now who's doing 180's (me)! Can you believe it's really me writing this, after what I posted yesterday? Yes, but did you read what I did when W picked me up from work? After a really crappy afternoon thinking my evening and weekend were doomed, it turned out not bad after all. Things do have a way of passing, especially if you don't let your anger get the best of you. That's why I'm so glad to have this place - I can vent it all on you guys, and then give W my best face - believe me, it helps!
Quote: Let's face it, they are are never going to DESIRE us are they?
You know what? I'm beginning to think that isn't even the goal here. Think about that for a while. You can't "make" someone desire you. However, you can CHANGE your approach and your outlook, and maybe they'll end up desiring you, or maybe not. Go back and look at my original thread from last year. I did that yesterday, and it helped. In that thread, Michele posted a couple of VERY wise things, although I didn't fully appreciate them at the time. One thing she said is that your W may never become HD, she probably won't become a "clone" of you, but that doesn't mean the two of you can't meet in the middle somewhere and be happy together. Maybe we need new goals.
I'm also wondering at this point if your W has truly passed the point of admitting that there IS a problem, and that it involves BOTH of you. Or does she, in her mind, see this as YOUR problem? If that's the case, then I think the two of you still have some work to do before you can even GET to the point of having more sex together. Notice I'm sounding like a C, but I'm not - you know how screwed up I am, so feel free to ignore this if you want to. What I'm thinking is that she may not be READY to accept her part of the problem, and if that's the case, she totally won't GET why she's agreeing to sex every week. In her mind, it's to get you off her back. It sounded easy at first, but then it gets hard, because YOU expect it every week.
Sorry, I'm gonna dump a lot of stuff on you, and I'm not sure I totally remember everything about your sitch, so try to bear with me.
I'm also wondering if it doesn't seem like you're trying to manipulate her, with your negotiating tactic about refusing to do certain jobs around the house that are "her" jobs... I may be WAY off base here, but it sounds again like things are pretty polarized between you, and you need to take care of that FIRST, before expecting greater intimacy or frequency.
You told her SHE was the one with the problem, but in fact you BOTH have at least one problem. Maybe you're just trying to move too fast. Again, I haven't gone back to review your posts... I'm in a bit of a hurry, so please forgive me if I'm getting things confused. I have to get started on this weekend's painting - there's a lot to do.
I'll check in later, but I can't "camp out" here all day today, but let me know if anything I've posted above made any kind of sense...
