Friday night Saturday morning. Well I'm on this forum again in the middle of the night. I don't want to be here but it's going to be a long sleepless night. At the moment my hopes and dreams appear to be fading with my HD. I guess an ND leopard just can't change her spots and I can feel myself moving from HD towards can't-be-bothered-anymore LD. I knew she was tired and wouldn't want to and honestly I didn't make any more of a move than puting an arm across her but she went rigid and said she was too tired and stressed and I was putting too much pressure on her. Quite honestly (again) I didn't really want it either but the rejection still cut me up. For some reason since she "agreed to try it every week" I seem to have lost interest - perhaps it's because in my heart I always knew it couldn't last. After a lengthy argument I told her that I would wait for her to initiate something and after some silence she said next Friday - so does that mean it will be every two weeks from now on or are we back to negotiating every week individually. The whole point of every Friday was to "just do it" and take the delicate destructive negotiations out of the equation. The way I'm feeling now I just can't be bothered. I am going to do some more 180s. This last month I've done more housework than usual. Tidying, washing, ironing, dishes, house maintenance, making her endless cups of tea and coffee etc. but it makes no difference. I've left her notes and silly gifts. I've backed off on the touching and kissing to give her "space". I've been carefull not to do too much words of affirmation so as not to dilute the message but I've come to the conclusion that she does not have a love language - or she has one that is not on the list like mothering her children and cats. This next week I'm going to do absolutely nothing. I'm going to leave dirty clothes lying around, not bother with the dishes, forget to make her coffee when she asks for it, I'm going to stay at work late and I'm going to go out more and make a model aeroplane. It is her birthday this week and I have booked a posh hotel for the night but I'm tempted to cancel it - she found out about it anyway because my mother let it slip that she was having my kids over to stay. Her first reaction was that she didn't want to go and that it is too expensive. She's so romantic - not. I am even more dissatisfied having read luvhubby and honeypot. It is just sickening to think that I got lumbered with an ND when there are such fun women out there (sadly also lumbered with NDs). Why did I marry the first girl I fell for, why didn't I play the field a bit. The worst thing is that when we were courting she actually told me that her previous boyfriend dumped her because he thought she was no good in bed. I didn't believe it at the time because she seemed to be quite hot with me then and I really believed she would stay that way. I've bored you long enough with my woes tonight so I'll sign off now. I hope you have a better weekend than me. SD
