Card, thought I'd stop by as we have a common friend in SS.
First of all, I am so sorry for your pain. I know it hurts deeply.
I always say you feel how you do. There is no right or wrong feeling.
So, take some time to digest all of this. Get it out. Cry, scream, pray...if you are so inclined.
Just a couple of things, though. Be sure to only own your stuff. There are two people in a marriage. She didnt have to make the choice she did.
You did the best you could in the marriage with the tools and knowledge you had at the time. Had you known better, you would have done better.
It was important that I knew whatever I did or didnt do was never with the intent to cause harm to my h or my marriage. That mattered to me.
I saw what you wrote about happiness. Without getting into it too much, I just want to say this. Happiness is fleeting. It comes and goes. The trick is to find joy in life. If we are looking to someone else to provide happiness for us, what a terrible burden that is to put on them.
But if we find joy within us, everything else is a bonus. We want someone to share the joy with and enhance our lives.
I know that you feel that your dream has been shattered. I get that. The thing about life is that it rarely goes as we think it will. It will be different that what you hoped. But different doesnt have to mean bad.
So, try not to get ahead of yourself here. The first thing you need to do is to forgive yourself. That is really important. Then forgive her.
That gets you to acceptance. Thats where you need to be. Doesnt mean you have to like it, but, you do need to learn to accept what is in this moment
You know, C, I believe there is always hope until we decide there isnt.
Having hope doesnt mean that you stop living your life. It doesnt mean that you are waiting for it to change. It just means that you are not ready to completely shut the door on the possibilities.
You may get to that place one day. You arent there now.
You dont have to decide anything today.
This is going to hurt. There isnt anyway around that. But you will not always feel the way you do right now.
I see a lot of strength in you, Card.
Take this one day at a time. One moment if you need to.
No one knows what the future holds. Except that it holds you.
You will be ok. I know you know that.
Try really hard not to go back to places you have already worked through, ya know?
I get that trying to understand the whys and hows make you think that you will feel better knowing them. The truth is that you wont really ever know because they are her feelings and thoughts.
All of this is hard and it's heartbreaking. But it is also so powerful.
When we begin to understand that we have control over our part of the journey - whether we quit or not, whether we grow or not, whether we accept or not, man, what power we have. What an opportunity we have, what great lessons we can learn.
When it gets really tough, take some time, back away, regroup, find some peace in whatever way you can at that moment.
When you are ready, get back on your path. Dig deep, find your footing, stand strong.
You have power in all this.
You have choices you can make. You can choose how to behave, what to feel, how to love.
I will tell you this. No matter what happens, you will not regret that you stood if you do the work.
You will not regret that you were someone who loved so much you were willing to let her go.
When you look back at this time, you will see that you acted with dignity and courage and strength. That matters, C.
Remember to be kind to yourself and to believe that this was a journey you were meant to go on.
