You know I am not a vet but have some miles on me. I feel a lot like you personally. It's difficult for us to talk about some issues we want to resolve, we are tough girls, we learned to be that way.
But, but, but... we are also trying to change that and become more lovable, spontaneous, have a smile in our faces and feel light. We want to stop the anxiety, fear, pressure. It's very hard for me to stop reacting to everything I see as a treat to hurt me, my feelings. And I am quite sure you also do that even in your dreams, just like me, it's automatic.
So, like Lorelai said, maybe you try to hear more what he can say to you, behave very DB. Make sure he knows you acknowledge all what he is saying. Have eye contact, be gentle without being fake. Be patient, patient, and when you think you can blow again, be patient.
Instead of blowing on his face for all he has been hurting you. Try to blow his mind seeing that you are a nicer girl and maybe, just maybe he will think he was too confused and did not see how much he needs you, how much he still loves you.
Like my H, yours does not want to work on the M right now, so plant a little seed of confusion on him. It will probably make him back off a little bit, make him afraid of his own feeling for you, but he will think, and he will think of you.
Good luck honey! I will keep you posted on my progress with EMDR, it sounds like it can help me.
