Really too late....

[lost18]

That's a good question! Hard to tell with him, honestly probably a little of both.

I am not sure what a 180 would be in this situation, can't figure it out. Since S19 will be home in a few hours I guess it'll work itself out.

Not much new to report, still having the same ups and downs.

Had a IC appt this week, she keeps wanting me to look for times when he is fishing and act on it. Hard to explain in writing, I guess it would probably bee seen as pursuing. Not ready for that, still afraid of being rejected although I've been rejected for over a year now. When I started seeing my IC my goal was to save my marriage and work on myself, not sure if that's what I want anymore. Obviously I will continue to work on myself, but I'm getting frustrated and angry with H. I know I don't want the marriage we had, I'm working on me, however, I just don't know if he has it in him to look at himself at all, much less make any changes. He's extremely selfish, condescending, crude, and controlling. I've always known these things, I think his negative traits are just standing out more for me now that I'm changing.

For now, I'm going to keep my PMA and 180's when I can. Continue with the GAL activities I have and hopefully do more. I will reassess after Christmas.