My waking nightmare

[Lorelai]

A lot of different emotions going on right now. On the one hand I feel completely deflated, exhausted and just not able to move forward. Not a good feeling when you have small kids to take care of and you're trying to reboot your career while also taking care of a household pretty much entirely on your own, except financially for now.

I am proud of myself because when my negative emotions started coming over me I was in the middle of making lunch for the kids and D1.5 was absolutely screaming and moaning. I had to talk myself down, take some deep breaths and just grit my teeth through it. Normally I would call my sister crying and telling her "I can't do this! I can' be alone like this! I can't get divorced!" then she wold have to talk me down. So I'm giving myself credit for self-soothing and staying upbeat for the kids even though I was hurting on the inside.
I'm taking the kids to see Santa tonight and we're all looking forward to it, so I'm just trying to stay focused on the positives. Going to try to take a shower and put on makeup for tonight while D1.5 naps and S3 plays in his room pretending his toys are Santa's sleigh. He's so excited for Christmas!