The Goddess of the Goats Sees Into The Future

[jim0987]

GGG, to feed your curiosity.

Pseudopsychology, Quackery and other adventures in the land of futile mind reading

WARNING: this is entirely my take on things based on what I’ve read here, what I’ve read elsewhere and a whole bunch of mind reading and transference from what’s gone on in my head at various points. It’s a country mile outside the scope and advice of DB’g and so if you’re looking for useful I’d skip to whatever the next post is

.....he believes that he needs someone who doesn’t really know the ‘real’ him, because he believes the real him is ugly

Imagine for a second (and only for a second) that you truly believe that no one likes you, that no one could like you and that everyone who seems to like you is only doing so either through some sense of obligation, because it’s some kind of charity, because they are using you or because you have managed to trick them somehow.

Your goal then becomes to try and hide the real you to enjoy these fleeting moments while they last because they aren’t going to last. Sooner or later the other person is going to crack, they will abandon you, betray you and tell you what they really think. You already know what they really think and that’s that they don’t like you but they aren’t telling you and so they obviously don’t like you because if they did why would they be so dishonest about how they really feel - You don’t lie to people you like and their current niceness is just going to make the inevitable betrayal worse.

So now you’re looking for the chinks, the little lies, the indicators that tell you what’s really going, because if they are lying about liking you then what else are they lying about? Are they stringing you a long to take advantage of you in other ways. So you start checking, controlling, withholding, defending so that so that you can stop it happening, protect yourself from it and be ready for it. But that doesn’t seem to work you still feel vulnerable and scared. Now you have so much invested in this and what if it’s not right, because if they really loved you they wouldn’t ever be [INSERT EMOTION], They wouldn’t say [INSERT COMMENT] and they would always be happy to [INSERT ACTION] and they wouldn’t have [INSERT GRIEVANCE]. So they can’t love you, who would and now you have proof.

It’s a painful place to live. And certainly not somewhere to dwell.

As this all builds up they try and compensate in other ways to try and improve their ‘offer’ because on their own they know they aren’t enough so there has to be other things. This can including making sure they have a partner that makes them look good (Smarter, funnier, more attractive, richer) but they can only manage this because they’ve managed to trick them. And so there is something to feel really guilty for now as well.

They are constantly making comparisons about however people are smarter, richer, better looking, funnier and they feel vulnerable that their partner will see it as well and ditch them for the better choices that are there because after all everyone is a better choice.

By now there is a constant nagging sense of inadequacy, insecurity, vulnerability and guilt and so they try harder to compensate or distract from this (maybe dive into an addiction to numb the pain, or throw themselves into work, or a new hobby)

Over time though the fear and the anxiety doesn’t go away and they start to feel resentment for everything they are having to do, all the hoops they have to jump through. After a while two thoughts start occurring in their head
‘Why do you not love me after all I’ve done?’
‘I do so much to make you happy so why aren’t you making me happy’

They never realising that was never the problem - its always been
‘I don’t love me, so how can you’

he holds on so tightly to this ^^^^ that he doesnt even realise - its ingrained in him and affects everything he does.

One day it all comes to a head and one or the other has had enough and walks away. (Sometimes because they see new and shiny and think that will make them happy)

NOTE: I’m going to assume from here on that it’s the one with the esteem issues that walks away.

So they have walked away and they feel enormous guilt for that and don’t dare face that, after all they have been wracked with guilt for so long about so many things (in their head they are a failure after all) that they don’t want to face it anymore

If they are chased it just reminds them how much hurt they have caused and they can’t bare the guilt
If they aren’t chased then its proof they were never really loved in the first place
If they are told they are forgiven they don’t believe it as there is no way someone could forgive them for all they’ve done and they have proved how awful they are
If the LBS improves their life (DB) then its proof that that the LBS is better off without them.

At some point down the line they will start to realise that they still aren’t happy and start to think one of the following

1) LA LA LA LA LA I’m not listening, i don’t want to think about this LA LA LA LA
2) This is all the LBS’ fault – I hate them and never want to see them again
3) This is all the LBS’ fault – I want to make them as miserable as me so they know how I feel
4) This is my fault but this is better for everyone
5) I’ve made a mistake but it is all LBS’ fault and they need to make it up to me
6) This is my fault and I’ve made a terrible mistake but I’ve done so much damage there is no way I could undo this. I’m not worth it and/or i don’t know how and/or its too hard.
7) This is my fault and I’ve made a terrible mistake and i will do whatever it takes to undo that mistake

Over time they may change their mind and switch from one to other but as has been said so many times it takes two to make a relationship work and only one to destroy it, and for some if they ever reach 7 they might find it’s too late.

In GGGs case I would guess that her H is somewhere in 4, 5 or 6 however he is the only one that could know this and 6 is the only one where there is something GGG could realistically do and even then there is a good chance it won’t make it past his ‘low self worth translator’




I probably could take this further but instead I’m going to finish up with a bit of an analogy in a different context

Each week I take my D3 swimming. She loves it, loves jumping in the water, loves going underwater, loves wearing her goggles and the pink hair band she has to wear to stop her getting ear infections. She can swim a couple of metres and launch herself about 4m into the pool from the side. She is very very happy in the pool and on holiday all she wanted to do every day was spend hours in the pool. She really loves swimming.

Every week we go to her swimming lesson and her swim teacher will give her a woggle (foam noodle) which she holds onto so she can practice kicking and ‘lion arms’. Every week my D3 has a bit of a meltdown because she is terrified I’m going to let go. She holds on to me, holds on to the side or holds on to anything she can grab. Everytime she does this she ends up floundering underwater and gets upset and clings on to me. If she just let go she could swim the few metres and a whole load of freedom would open up for her as she learns to go further each time.

She can swim, she just lacks the confidence to let go.