WAW Dating - Oh noes!!..

[LoveMyW]

Link to old thread here:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2510394&page=1


Well it's been a while since an update, and due to a change in conditions, I am thinking it deserves a new thread!!..

So, I find out last night that WAW has started dating.. Although I got a bit cut with the knowledge of this, I actually found out that I am a bit more detached than I thought I was.. W and I had a chat about the situation later in the evening and I found that I didn't yell, beg, cry or even try to reason.. The only thing I really said that wasn't DB was "WTF are you doing with someone like him??"..

It was my own smart butted comment that actually bought out that W is dating/seeing someone as I mentioned that I saw a person that she recently (3 weeks ago) added on Facebook was in the area that I spotted whilst on my way to work (he lives on the other side of town).. I jokingly said "did he stay at your place last night", and the answer was yes from her unfortunately..

She said that she has been "BF-GF" with this person for a week, after 2 dates in the last 3 weeks.. I have no reason to believe otherwise.. It screams rebound R as he is the first person to pay any real attention to W in a dating respect (weird to me as she is very good looking overall), is not the type of person she usually goes for, and apart from a job has nothing going for him (seriously, not just my opinion)..

Probably against DB principals here, but I did a bit of detective work in the last 24 hours to see what he is like, as by being at her place, he is around my kids.. Well what I found out wasn't real crash hot..

3 kids to 3 different women, meth user, wannabe cage fighter, 4 restraining orders from ex's.. The list goes on.. Of course he is giving her the bleeding heart stories, and I have not let anything on of what I know.. Like I said, I know it is against DB principals, but I have the means and didn't even really have to ask the question..


So what it's really boiling down to here is how do I play this??.. Do I tell W what I know (and yes, proof has been shown), or let her find out for herself??.. Also, how do I now handle what I am doing regarding R/M??.. I have told W that I am currently re-assessing our friendship due to this, and that I am also re-assessing our financial obligations to each other..

She seemed a bit "taken aback" by what I said, but understood.. This chat happened today after I dropped off the kids after picking them up from school (I generally do on any Friday unless I do overtime at work as I am finished early enough and it's pretty much on my way home)..

I want to let this new R of hers run it's course without me butting in, as like I mentioned, it screams rebound.. The only thing I have done is set a couple of boundaries as best I can that we are S and living separately..

My first and foremost boundary was that he was not to be there when I am there.. I said to her that I won't cause any trouble, but I have no intent to talk to him, or be friendly.. That doesn't even have anything to do with their "R".. It's just the fact that he is not the sort of person I would give the time of day to even if this wasn't happening..

The only other boundary I set was that I would have no hesitation in action if he hurts the kids or her.. I mentioned that at the end of the day, she is still my W until the divorce papers are signed, and the kids are always mine.. Please don't take this comment the wrong way.. W first met me when I was working a previous job (bodyguard/security), and knows that I will not stand for that..

Funny enough, when I mentioned that she was still my W, she agreed this time.. Generally the answer has been "but we are separated"..

So how do I handle my sitch now??.. W wants to still have our closeness that we have as co-parents/friends, and is a bit worried about losing that from he reaction to my previous comment, but I am on the lookout for the fork for eating that cake!!.. Thing is, the communication lines are good, so I don't want to go dark (but will go back to LC) and judging by other sitch's I'm in a good place there..

Any advice to steer me on the path I need to be now would be greatly appreciated..