To Pursue or Not

[Arcola]

W and I are separated now and 12/11 makes day 4. I hate the fact that we are splitting the kids between homes. They've always taken more to W and now it hurts to see them take to her given I think its negatively impacting our family. We don't have a set schedule yet, but its pretty 50/50. Its hurts that my family has gotten to this point. I haven't seen any behaviors from the children too negative since the separation so that makes it somewhat easier to cope.

She still has a few things in our marital home. I'm not sure when she's coming to get them. It bothers me to see her move her things, but she moved the Christmas tree to her house yesterday and that really got to me. Sadly, I saw the tree at her house last night because I came over to be with the kids for a while. I didn't pay it much mind and didn't even realize it was the tree from my house. I didn't realize the tree was missing from my house until this evening when I wanted to put the lights on I had bought at the store after leaving her house that night. (I know some may think how do you not know the Christmas tree was gone? My mind/thoughts aren't right right now. The tree was right next to the living room TV which I watched last night before going to bed) The whole tree taking gets me because we haven't even discussed how we would spend Christmas. Just a little time ago I recall we at least said we'd spend it as a family, but that was the most detail of it.

OM is still in the picture, but I'm not sure where they stand with each other. From what I could tell contact had been sparse between the two, but now seems to have picked up some. I also think there may be an OM2. Only time will tell and more snooping.

At this point I really don't know what I'm trying to achieve by snooping. At first it was to use as evidence if we divorced. Now its like Yahoo and reading somebody else business. I hope something positive does come out of my snooping. I have no idea if I'll ever show my cards as some DBers have phrased or let her know I've been snooping.

Snooping has led me to not discount this W's EA as a MLC, but I'd say a mixture of the two. My W has for the majority of our marriage been voluptuous. I've always thought she was beautiful nonetheless. Well, this past year to present she has slowly been losing weight. With losing weight comes confidence and a changing wardrobe. This wardrobe is like the woman business casual, but no pants suits and a little tighter fitting. So with these changes comes the compliments that I guessed have boosted her ego. Point being, text exchange between her and some friends about how they look and if they looked like this or that have led me to believe this is a prevalent factor in whats going on.

Snooping has also led me to come across an exchange between her and a friend(s) about "discussing" their separation from men. My W is seeming more and more like she's not her age or something. I recall back in high school and below it was too easy to drop a girlfriend or get dropped and move on

Snooping led me to whats in my previous post. To me it seems like it hitting some of Sandi's Rules. Based on that text exchange I thought she wanted to work on things but was confused on how to. So for a little bit I've been doing what I feel is right as far as piecing. Unfortunately, she hasn't come to me and outright shown remorse for everything and wanting to work on it. Is it showing remorse when you still keep doing the things that you're supposedly sorry for?

A question for the vet DBers out there if you read this. What is the sign that its time to start piecing? Is it clear as day when it comes, or does it gradually come to light? Is piecing along the lines of the separated couple (guy, WAW, son) MWD details in Divorce Busting where the guy uses the LRT even though no affair was still ongoing?