Hey G. I told you how I got to a place where I could lovingly detach. For me, it had to include forgiveness. It doesnt sound strange at all that you forgive him because he is a flawed human being like we all are and that he didnt intend to hurt you.
Originally Posted By: GoatGal
However, that is moving forward WITHOUT HIM.
If we were to try and reconcile, then he would have to do the work necessary to help me heal as HALF OF THIS MARRIAGE. I could NOT let it all go as I would if we were divorced, because he would be half of the equation and his actions (past/present/future) would be very relevant in the health of whatever R we had.
My moving forward and forgiving him was not me moving forward without him, but, rather moving forward for me. It was saying, I heard what you said and I am going to honor your feelings. It didnt mean I couldnt still have hope. I was putting my marriage safely away and continuing on my journey. Your h would absolutely have to catch up to you and those issues would have to be dealt with.
I was able to still have love and compassion for my h because I knew he was suffering. He still had to own his actions, though. Forgiveness allowed me to have that. Acceptance allowed me to love from a distance while still living my life.
