If you are not comfortable with a separation agreement then do not participate. There doesn't appear to be a legal reason for the document so it seems mostly ceremonial.
Hope, can I ask a sincere question? Why would a S agreement not be helpful to Jefe? I understood your worst-case decision-making matrix, and, having been in a close relationship with an alcoholic myself, understand it quite well. But, why must Jefe fly by the seat of his pants? Why can't decisions be made that apply to longer than today? For instance, he and W decide that W picks up the girls at noon every Sunday and drops them off at school every Monday? How is deciding that weekly more advantageous than deciding it applies to the next six weeks?
There is no legal S in my state. H and I have a (non-legal) S agreement that spells out the length of the S, whether we can date, how finances are handled, and a parenting schedule, among other things. It's not ceremonial, it's practical.
I admire the advice you give on the boards, and look forward to your thoughts on this.
I don't want to give the impression I am against separation agreements. In most cases I fully support them. They serve a purpose and are needed especially in situations when you are dealing with a punitive or combative spouse.
If Jefe was the person wanting the separation agreement I would support it.
My caution to Jefe is to avoid doing anything he is uncomfortable with. His wife continually forces him into situations where he feels he must make choices. (Sorry Jefe I don't want to talk about you as if you are not in the room.)
Jefe doesn't have to make choices when a choice is not necessary.
In this case they have a workable situation so a formal agreement isn't necessary. If, however, Jefe feels he needs something legal so that he can have more control in the situation I encourage this.
The issue is keeping control of the situation and not allowing your spouse to manipulate you into believing you are doing something as a team when, in reality, you felt bullied into the decision.
