Busting this Divorce - Moving Out

[HPoirot]

I'm on my way back to the city. 2 hour trip. I want to feel happy.

Funny... "Blue Christmas" is playing over the speakers.

Obviously, things have not always been great with my W. There have been times when I imagined a life without her. Times where I found her frustrating. Times when I didn't like her. There was a time I cheated on her.

But more times when I was so happy to see her. To hear her voice. To come home to her from these trips. Especially this time of year. Loved it when she smiled at me. Loved to decorate the tree with her. It seems like yesterday we did it last. We always did it together. I did love her. I did want her to be happy with me. My W was a beautiful woman.

I'm very sad right now. Just 2 more days until the move. It seems 1000s of miles away. S11 won't want to leave. This will be hell on him and she is making sure of that. W won't keep her word to make the move as smooth as possible. She won't keep her word on anything. She has lied to me... lied to him... taken my money... cursed me repeatedly... made a horrible promise to s11 she immediately didn't keep... calls me the bad guy and means it... she drinks almost every night... and she takes no responsibility. Shows no remorse while she says she feels it. Talks about all the times she's cried to her friends, to her aunts, to her IC, by herself upstairs while me and s11 play together. She was ready to lie to me for months and sleep in my bed while she wanted someone else. This is all her dream. She's reaching for this dream and it's killing us. And she doesn't care.

B/c she hates me. I am the enemy to her happiness. She imagines a life of happiness and epic love. She is happy to punish me now.

It was good Starsky to hear most everything my W does you find predictable. I am surprised everyday, though, and I am killing myself that way.

Dad is around tonight. I might go straight home anyway. Looks like I'll really be late anyway.

I appreciate all the advice here. I'll continue to do as suggested. I'm feel bad my sitch seems to be everyday and I am constantly yelling for help when there's so many people here in pain.

That's it. I'm in pain. The one person in the world who was there for me at my lowest is killing me now.

She's killing me.