Doing the limbo thing (thread 7)

[shodan]

Theoden

Thank you for your comments. I agree, we are probably not in piecing. I was doing a pretty good job of GALing/detaching until early November when my W came to me to say that she wanted to commit to us. Since then, I have been hyper focused on our M and our R. As a result, I am not detached. I have continued with some of my GAL activities but not all of them.

I have explained to my W how sometimes I need her help, support and reassurances. Unfortunately, i think this need of mine has been received by her as suffocating. She commented that she cannot know when I might need support from her and when something she does (or does not do) may set off these feelings in her.

The past few nights I was traveling for work. While I had some depressing feelings from time to time, I realized that I can move on in my life without my W. I went out at night with colleagues and had a good time. I spoke with some women from my company and felt like I had some "game". If it were not for my kiddos, I would pick up and move to another city and start over. I would get far away from this whole situation. I love my W and want my M to work with her, but sometimes I am just exhausted from the work required. Being here and in the same house makes it very hard to detach from her. It is hard to "start over" as Shodan, the individual, when we have kids that require and deserve our love, attention and help.

I sense that my W is struggling with the same issues. Logically, she wants our M to work. We have two kids, have been together for 18 yrs, the sex is great, we are great friends, et. Emotionally, she is not sure it can or not sure of her feelings for me. She still carries around a lot of resentment about things that happened in the past (e.g., the lack of attention that I paid to her). I also know she is SUPER busy at work and under a ton of pressure. Therefore any pressure from me just pushes her away. I truly believe that if she quit her job and we moved to another city, we could put all of this behind us. Other times, I just want to quit my job and go backpack for 1-2 months to go find myself. Detach from this situation. But I cannot do that with my kids. I love them too much.