Friday 2:45 pm. D16 is still in hospital after complications with her appendix op. W is with her. I have spent some time reading "The five Love Languages" this week and realise that my love language is "Words of affirmation”. It is now obvious to me why I became so infatuated with my OW because she spoke my language telling me in various ways how wonderful I am. It was quite literally manna from heaven after years of starvation. My wife never seems to have a nice thing to say about me and I am suspicious that she is training D16 to be the same. I am constantly being told how stupid I am by them both (OK my jokes are pretty poor). I am rarely praised for the many good things I do and I almost never hear the magic “I love you”. Often when I get a compliment it sounds false somehow. After 25 years with my W I am ashamed to say that I don't have any idea whatsoever what her love language is. I suppose by process of elimination I should be able to work it out. Physical touch: It certainly is not this one because if I try to hold her hand while walking she lets go after a few seconds and she usually makes it pretty obvious that she doesn’t want to kiss, cuddle or ML. Words of affirmation: I don’t think it is this because I tell her I love her every day and compliment her on her looks etc. often and it appears to have no effect on her. Acts of service: Well I have gradually taken on more and more of the housework but she doesn’t seem to have noticed particularly. Quality Time: We do spend quite a lot of time talking although mainly about other people and politics etc. It could be that she needs more quality time talking about us but I can’t say that I’ve noticed her love tank filling up as we chat. She has not been very receptive when I’ve suggested going to dance classes for example. Receiving gifts: I have to admit that I’m not a great one for giving gifts and in the early days she was critical of me for not making much of birthdays etc. I made a paper heart that said “I love you” and left it under her coffee cup a few months ago and I noticed that she put it in her purse. Maybe she needs more gifts and love tokens. It has got to be worth a try. Is it possible that someone does not have a love language at all? SD
