I want to act in the best way now consistent wih my goal. I see this morning I was not thinking about my goal. I missed an opportunity to be better me. I'm trying to think of what better me would do out now. I have trouble getting past her choice right now.
What can I say now that would be healing? How do I lead for myself and s11 right now given how disappointed she says she is? How can I tolerate her saying she's disappointed without hammering her again for getting us here? Am I even asking the right questions?
I haven't eaten yet. I see I can't do that again.
I think I have to let her know how to approach me with her needs now.
I'm at a loss. I can't screw up like this again. Is there a boundary I can set for our interactions on making these decisions and what would be the best way to deliver it? I want to take the high ground and do what's right while showing I'm moving on.
HP, at this stage of your sitch (HOW long have you been at this? HOW many posts? HOW many responses by people to you?), you have GOT to learn to invest about 98% less angst and DRAMA into simple things like what happened this morning. Contrast your gut-wrenching drama above with my proposed simple response (or something similar to it).
I know this is difficult, but this should be FAR more second-nature to you at this point. Your wife's statements and behavior I find to be ENTIRELY predictable, with very few variations, and you know her far better than I do. Having a couple of canned, stock answers at the ready -- and the over-arching detached attitude to go along with them -- should be the EASY part of this stage for you. Dealing with the real "meat" of your strategy and how to care for S11, etc., should be where you invest your mental and emotional focus. These simple, entirely-unnecessary exchanges with your practically-unhinged wife shouldn't be what saps your strength.
