I have noticed something. Even though I feel more even keel, about a week before the curse arrives I start to spin. Anxiety. I can't pinpoint specifically to what. I'm going to throw something else out. I also have this insatiable, overwhelming desire to be dominated at this same time. All while spinning and anxious. I've spoken to a therapist and we both think it may have something to do with the fact that well, I always had to "do" everything. I worked. I cleaned the house. I was primary caretaker. I paid bills. I don't think it really has much of a sexual connotation (or perhaps it does due to being in a SSM?) and that is the only thing I don't want to control??? Or maybe I just want to release stress that way and I think that's the way I want to? Or somehow I view that as relaxing? It's very strange and I'm trying to work through this. By myself cause it is just me.
Well, this is awkward....but I have to say you are not alone in this. I have had frequent similar feelings, although they are not cyclical and predated BD. I would venture to guess this is not uncommon when you are the "primary" (breadwinner, caretaker, decision maker etc.) in so many aspects of your life.
Ok, awkward moment over. Glad to hear you had a great Birthday!
