I got 99 problems but an MLCer ain't one!

[daring]

Thanks 123Gwen- I definitely need to make sure I'm taking care of myself. Trying to eat well, sleep and exercise though I slip up some.

So this is going to be Merry F'ing Christmas. It appears the D papers are coming my way. H came by tonight so we could discuss schedule with kids next week. He asked about my mom. He seemed very bothered, like he needed to talk about something.
I was good- I let the silence sit. He eventually said he heard from the lawyer today that he would be getting a draft of the agreement. He gave all the info to them already apparently. We had discussed that we would determine the terms and just have lawyers review. He was VERY down appearing, like it wasn't something he really wanted. Said he would be probably filing for bankruptcy afterwords b/c he can't afford his portion of the debt.
Then he said- ok I'll get out of your way. I said " I didn't say anything". He said " yes but I see your face and I'm trying to respect you're hurt". I said it doesn't matter if you leave or not- the situation is the same.

We chatted a little more about kids Christmas presents. I asked if he wanted to do Christmas together b/c his finances are poor and he said no- I believe him as he was very sincere.
Then he said " do you need anything- other than to not have anymore chit dumped on you" I said " pretty much, yeah". And then I said " would be nice to have someone to help with the chit too". He said if you need more help with anything you need to speak up. I responded yes I could use more help but I don't think it's appropriate to ask. He said ok, well if you need help or need to talk to someone I'm here.
I said I don't think that's very healthy. He seemed very bothered again and said- " For who?" I said not healthy for me. That gave him quite a bit of pause.
Then I said- I can't reconcile the two situations in my head- D but still going to you for support. He said ok, again bothered. I said I'll figure it out on my own and if my thoughts on it change I appreciate your offer.
He then chatted more about kids. This is obviously a very tortured decision for him. I was teary but maintained my composure. I even stayed in living room afterwords while he was helping D13 with homework.

So as FY pointed out the other day- I will be ok. This is not my fault nor would the things I could have done better prevented his crisis. He clearly still wants a relationship with me but isn't capable right now. Maybe I'll still be around after D if and when he gets to the point of wanting an R, or maybe not. I'll take care of me however I need too.

Big ole GAL week coming up!!