SD - does your wife realize that your marriage is in jepoardy over this issue? How important it really is? I ended up leaving when my anger and frustration and inability to communicate overwhelmed me. It wasn't until then that i discovered this site and what was going on with me. It was a very traumatic time for me and my wife had no idea that things had gotten to that point with me. I think that as others have said...communicating that this is not some pet issue and is a vital need to preserve the marriage should be done somehow.
