My waking nightmare

[Lorelai]

If anyone could give me input on this, I'd really appreciate it. H and I still have not finalized plans for the holidays. I had a major crying spell last week (not in front of H) over H's proposal that the kids go to his mom's traditional Christmas Eve celebration (I've been going to this even since we were dating, almost 10 years!) with him, and obviously without me, then he brings them back Christmas Eve late at night so I can have Christmas morning with them. I told him I hadn't given the holidays a lot of thought yet, but I would have to think about it more and get back to him, then after he left I cried like I haven't cried in a long time. I mean, it's really really over when you're bumped out of a holiday tradition you've been attending for nearly a decade!

One of H's big complaints about our M is he never felt in control of anything and he even told my MIL when he left that he was finally going to be in control of his life and make his own decisions. So I need to address this holiday issue in a way that validates that concern, but also addresses some of my own concerns. I've fully accepted not going to Christmas Eve, but I would like him there on Christmas morning because I think it is important for the kids. S4 also has mentioned wanting to go shopping for Daddy so I'd like to maybe do a small gift exchange from the kids. I feel like the best way to approach him is over email, particularly since in person I'm too emotional and I don't want to cry in front of him. Here's what I was planning to write:

Hi H,

Just wanted to give you my thoughts on Christmas since we talked about it last week and I hadn't gotten back to you about it yet. I was thinking you can take S4 and D1.5 to your mom's Christmas Eve. You're more than welcome to be here Christmas morning though. I think the kids would really like that. Also, I wanted to see how you'd feel about doing a small gift exchange between us this year from the kids, so S4 can go shopping with each of us. Thought it might be fun for him and he mentioned wanting to shop for you.

Let me know what you think!

Lorelai

Thoughts???

Also, something has been on my mind lately regarding his sudden, "I'm taking the kids to Christmas Eve without you" scenario. It seemed so strange, because we just had Thanksgiving together and it was fine. I actually had more fun and more detached than I expected I would be. I just enjoyed watching the kids enjoy the holiday with their cousins. It was great. So I was shocked when H asked to take the kids without me to Christmas Eve, especially since his mom had already said she wanted me there. I know that this is mind reading, but I'm wondering if this has anything to do with the fact that the day after Thanksgiving, the kids and I went ahead with our tradition of putting up the tree and decorating the house, and in fact this year, we went much further than that and went crazy with the decorations and put up even more stuff than ever and added several new things. For years, I was too depressed/tired/stressed/anxious/pregnant to put much effort into decorating, then H comes over and sees the house all decked out after he's gone. I'm wondering if I hurt his feelings by not including him. I wanted to, but I was trying to stay dark. And I hate to admit it, but it was kind of fun doing the decorating with just me and S4.