I havent entirely kept up on your sitch but if you are at all familiar with my sitch my H was pretty terrible. He was definitely abducted by aliens or something (not that I am making excuses for him) but his behavior was so terrible that's really the only way I can think that
Let her go. It took me months to stop pursuing and hanging on to every little action or lack there of from H. I never once mentioned OW to him. Towards the end I stopped caring about hanging on to every little interactions. I FINALLY listened to all the wise advice of everyone here and was the first to leave, didn't sound desperate when we talked and just plain acted like a neighbor when we did see each other which was rare. Our only interactions were at basketball. Then he started coming by the house. This was the same person that couldn't even look me in the eye for MONTHS. But I was friendly but short. We were busy. We didn't have time for him to hang out around the house with us or chat a long time after basketball because the boys and I had plans. He told me when he first came back he always wondered where I was going. He remembered an outfit I had on to a T and he swore I was going on a date (thanks Train).
Anyway point in case. Stop pursuing her. She knows where you are if she wants you. You stand little to no chance if you pursue. I know it's scary but figure your life out without her and if she wants to R then that's the cherry on top. I bet you will feel a sense of freedom when you make plans for your life not focusing on your W. Once I got my finances in order and figured out how to make it without counting on H I felt such a sense of relief
Hang in there. This is a marathon. Use the tools you have
