Busting this Divorce - Moving Out

[HPoirot]

Thank you Sandi and Wonka for your advice on s11's panic attack. Your thinking was my thinking when it happened. I believe I was about to have him call his mom like I usually would... then I remembered the different world I live in now. I take care of my own business and my son's business. It turned into another great moment between me and him. Even tonight, when he wanted to talk about Christmas, he called me to his room.

He asked "So we're not having a Christmas together?"

"No son. You can have it with mom if possible or me."

"Can I see one of you in the morning and one in the afternoon?"

"I'm sure we can do that."

"OK. I need a pair of pajama pants..."

We're getting there.

...

Has he asked me what happened with me and mom?

Yes. W told him she told a terrible lie about where she was to him and me. She also said adults need to separate sometimes to work on problems. She apologized to him.

S11 asked me later, "Why can't we just forgive mom and have her over for Christmas? It's over."

That was tough. I can't remember what I said. Maybe "We'll work in out. I'm not going anywhere." Of course, I didn't want to say she was continuing to do wrong. He is a smart boy though. He will figure it out.

So, at this point, he knows his mom at least lied to us and that it is her that wants the separation and that she want Christmas together. He knows I do not want any of this and want us to have Christmas and every other day together. So there we are for now. I continue to say mom loves him and he will continue to see her. I do not bad-mouth W to him though she suggests that I do and gets angry about it.

...

W is being very friendly again tonight. It's like normal. She asks me how I'm doing. I say "fantastic" like I usually say. Later, she comes to find me to tell me she's going to get moving boxes tomorrow. She's talking again like we're cool. I actually got to watch ESPN in peace just now. Now she says she's going to meet a friend for drinks just up the road. She tells me and s11 the specific friend, who lives close, and the specific restaurant, also close. She cheerfully says "goodbye boys!" She takes the car and leaves.

I don't like how that normal interaction we've done so many times now gives me a bad feeling. Seeing her take the car out at night gives me a bad feeling. I know I'm months even years from any possible R... but how to get past this deep mistrust I have for her and her words. I can't even trust what she says to S11 now. I notice how she involves s11 in her transparency speeches now... either to invite him along or to tell him like she wouldn't lie to him anymore.

Curious why she even continues to tell us where she goes and act like she's respecting my wishes in the house when she has no intension of working on our M and she knows I know about her PA. That, and we're leaving in a few days.

I also see she left her computer open again. That suggests she made a secret email account as she thinks I hacked her normal email.

All just a small curiosities. I'm no longer interested in snooping or understanding what she might do next.

Oops.. now she's back already.

Ah, she couldn't find a parking space up the road so she's going to walk to the restaurant instead. Again very friendly.

I'll be glad to not type these interactions with her anymore. Just really focus on s11 and my life, GALS, and 180s in these posts.

Almost done today.

3 more days left to go.