Started by "Coach".... He reconciled with his wife who later posted on this site as "Greek"
Coach was a very wise man...
Hope this will help some of those struggling.. Those that are new and those that feel like they are "almost there" but just can't quite find the final key to detaching..
He is sorely missed by many here and certainly his family.
A wise man but I think his life also illustrates how fragile human existence is and how important it is that we take care of our selves and live life to its fullest.
This is excellent! Thank you. It is a process that I am slowly coming to terms with and working on. Thanks for this!
M-44 W-44 Sons- 11&14 Married- 18 Together- 27 Separation mentioned- 9-29-14 Still together, but not "together" "if you feel rotten and forgotten, remember there'll be better days."
this is a nugget in one of the pages from this topic from 25yearsmlc.. Excellent....
Quote:
DId you read the post I wrote on what real detachment means? There are tons of posts and threads on this very important topic.
Your question about detaching and how that might look as if you are somehow okay with her actions, reveals a common misunderstanding about what detachment means. It also means you think somehow looking sad and miserable and not getting over her or moving on, is more attractive than the opposite. You are mistaken on all counts. I don't want to repeat myself. Re-read those posts. GAL and detaching are for you, and yet, increase the chance of a reconciliation. The more you resist moving on, and insist on holding on-which she said she does NOT want from you, the more you ignore her requests and show up with your needs. You are not bringing anything to the table as a man, but rather are showing up needy so SHE can fill your insecurities and needs. That is not her job and you have to detach. Re-read those posts. I know you are hurting and so is the ego. But don't let a false misguided sense of pride make you look weaker, rather than stronger.
The faster she thinks you are moving on, given the givens (meaning given that she wants you to move on & she thinks you are holding on too much) the faster she may reconsider her choices. I assume she told you this? If so, why are you not at least faking in front of her? You are forcing her to defend those choices and validating them b/c the more you show up with an empty bucket of need for her to fill, which she does not want to fill (I'm guessing she wants a man who will fill some of HER needs, like a partner) the more you'll push her away and confirm her discomfort around you. Please read the posts and digest them. You want her to feel comfortable around you, not guilt ridden. The more that happens, by backing off ALL R talk and being upbeat, the more likely you will be able to build some sort of friendship down the road. That's a start.
