newcomer now receives mail in Hell

[bravo61]

She still hasn't told me. She's called a couple of times to talk to the kids. I have them hang up when they are done. Really don't want to see or talk to her right now. I both love her & hate her so much right now.

My S has started keeping a journal and I shouldn't have read it but I did. He keeps his feelings inside & I've been worried about him. His postings break my heart. He pleads w/God to heal his Mom & fix his family. For her to make the right choices & don't let Satan control her.

I keep getting washes of memories that break me down. Like past Disney trips, or just laying in bed holding each other. I wonder if she ever does or is dead inside to any positive emotion regarding me.