No, it is definitely NOT time to force her hand--at least not the way you intend to do it.
Look, I understand your ups and downs, I really do. But if you leave now, you are NOT giving her much room to work. What you are proposing is the ultimate power play. In essence, you are taking your ball and going home. It is very likely to backfire in your face.
My suggestion to you is to visit your doc and get yourself on some low level anti-depressants to even you out. They take about two weeks to kick in; you must, MUST understand that this situation is not going to fix itself overnight.
In the meantime, you both have a serious work to do on your assumptions regarding each other. This is where my H and I were at our very worst; I knew I loved him, he knew he loved me; but my perception of his level of love for me, and his perception of my level of love for him were very, very low. Let me tell you something, that one erroneous perception on both your parts will do more damage to your relationship than any other. And I swear, if you will believe me, I really think this is directly related to the amount of respect we hold for our spouses. If we don't respect our spouse, it is impossible for us to believe they could actually love us at level 10 of the 1-10 scale. Do you see?
Another thing you and your wife must learn, and you CAN do this together, is to have constructive arguments. I think what you must do with your wife, before you get her to read the book, is get her to agree with you that you both have work to do in order to improve the relationship. Start finding the small things to agree upon; i.e., we need to improve our relationship; we both have work to do; we need to improve communication; we need to trust one another more; we need to respect one another more -- do you see? At least have a conversation that you can agree upon these things, then END the conversation. You just need to decide on WHAT right now, not HOW.
You don't need to win the war right now; you need to get a few battles under your belt first, see?
