I haven't seen her since Thanksgiving morning at her parent's house, when I was picking up the kids. Where our parting gesture was a hug. The hug was received. I went in one armed and she came in for the real thing.
Days before I was at a wake with my parents and sister's family. She came to pay respects and gave all of my family a hug, but didn't give me a hug. I was hurt by this, and decided I would "Be the change I wish to see in the world" - (Gandhi).
On the 5th, I took off my wedding band after reading some posts. Her's is already off. I took mine off bc it shows that I am not holding on (basically arguing with her), and I don't think keeping it on helps me get where I want to go.
Yesterday she returned from a 6 day business trip. Which was nice. It was like a mini-vacation. Where I didn't have to deal her constant pressure of D tasks. As of last night, we are emailing back and forth again to work through items. I'm trying to keep the emails light and upbeat, I'm thinking/re-reading prior to sending, trying not to be impulsive, and I'm not arguing with her (as I can't control your opinion).
I've been thinking a lot about identifying all of my 180s. Here is what I'm on.
180s: - I am re-identifying with myself... bc I lost my identity as an individual - I am more present... bc I was withdrawn - I am trying to be happier... bc I wasn't - I am trying to learn about relationships... bc I wasn't knowledgable - I am trying to be more aware & appreciative... bc I was passive & assuming - I am trying to be more laid back, compassionate & understanding... bc I was judgmental, high strung & stressed - I am trying to be more attractive... bc I was loosing fashion sense from working at home - I am working out consistently... bc I have always struggled with long term dedication - I am traveling less and working on my startup more... bc I was traveling a lot and bc I want the independence of my own business (one of my dreams)
In short, my goal is to be happier, healthier, and to be a better Father, Son, Friend and hopefully Husband.
I have been focusing on: - GAL - Sandi2's Rules - The Serenity Prayer - "Be the change you wish to see in the world" - Gandhi - "The finest steel has to go through the hottest fire." - Nixon - With time comes clarity - "Act as if by showing that you will be happy regardless of S's choice. You show strength by finding some new friends/activities aside from spouse. Actions speak louder than words." - Someone in the forum, much smarter than me
I am struggling but getting better with GAL & going dark. However, I am really concerned if we spend more time together that I will backslide.
It's a cold, rainy day in NE. I miss her.
Good day for Otis... "...They are lonely, Lonely and feeling blue..."
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
