Thanks - I'm probably not as down in the dumps as i perhaps sound. the stuff about her and other men really does bother me because she is desperately seeking what she hasnt had from me but the reason she didnt have it was because she kept rejecting it (and as a result I gradually developed some proper crazy and unattractive behaviours based on anticipating the rejection - apologising for rest a hand on her leg etc.)
its frustration that I can see what I did wrong (I can only half understand why i did them) and know that we should be able to be happy together. I also know that i dont want Divorce for me or our kids. I look around and there is noone i've come accross that is even a patch on my W and if they were they arent single.
if we had just bloody talked to each other.........
so yes i need to detach more and i was alright until she woke me up at three in the morning - its started my head spinning and i've never worked out how to stop those negative spins - its what caused the big fall out 3 years ago (W met X, lied about it, sent me into a flat spin for about 3 months, harangued her about her past to find out why i wasnt good enough, eventually stopped when she told me how much i was hurting her - I genuinely didnt realise)
trying to stop those spins is something i working on with my IC
this mornings 'episode' aside from underdoing any recent progress has also shown me another way that my sarcasm and controlling side manifests itself. Its another thing to work on in the same way I have when feeling criticised. I didnt call her out on the lying but i made her feel bad and showed my sarcastic controlling side
I know i keep repeating this but her chief complaints that i know of are: - I constantly chipped away at her self esteem with sarcastic commments - I didnt trust her - I was manipulative and controlling - I was attritional in arguements to get my way - She didnt trust me to be there for her as i had let her down so often in the past
i want to keep repeating these as these are the relationship dynamics i need to change. some of which stems from the internal changes i want to make but short term these are the behaviours i need to remove/180
I'm frustrated and sad about whats going on but i dont think i'm disappearing into a blackhole of depression
GAL scorecard for the last 7 days Thursday - in office at work (1pt) had lunch with friend from work (2pts), played squash with mate (2pts) Friday - in office at work (1pt) Read self help book (0.5pt)
Saturday - played with kids around wife all day. went for dinner with mate and his wife (4pts) Sunday - around wife and kids all day Monday - work (1pt), Kickboxing (2pts) Tuesday - work (1pt), long phone call with friend (1pt) Wednesday (today) - Day off work with kids (1pt)
Total 15.5 pts so definitely room for improvement
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
