All:

This is just my opinion, but I think when a woman says she wants a 'confident' man, what that means is she wants a man who sticks to his boundaries with quiet strength rather than blustery anger.

When a woman knows she can push her man off his boundary line, time and time again, she loses respect for him (and she doesn't even know it). She will talk down to him, snap at him, criticize him publicly, and run the show.... because he LETS her.

If you want more info on boundaries, there is a pretty good book on it called, "Boundaries in Marriage," by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. In it you will learn:

* Why boundaries and the "Ten Laws of Boundaries" are vital for a thriving, productive marriage.

* How values form the structure and architecture of marriage.

* How to protect a marriage from intruders, whether parents, other people, affairs, or personal idols.

* Why each partner needs to establish personal boundaries, and how to go about it.

* How to work with a spouse who understands and values boundaries--and how to work with one who doesn't.

No, I'm not getting a commission on books I'm recommending. These two authors also have a book simply titled 'Boundaries.' I have not read that one.

SD, I hope your wife understands her contribution to your affair; yes, it was your decision, but she helped create the atmosphere that made you weak. If not, maybe the two of you will get to exploring that issue some day.

As for your mood swings, just go with them. I think it is normal for someone in your position. Don't fight them, and don't dread them (as that tends to make them worse and more frequent). Try deep breathing exercises when anxiety strikes, or, repeat your mantra to yourself over and over again, quietly and calmly. Take a walk, or start reading a book -- anything to distract yourself from the negative thoughts that start this up/down cycle.

And remember too, that 'patience' is the practice of empathy and tolerance. The better you are at practicing empathy and tolerance for yourself and those around you, the more patient you become.

Keep that chin up!!!

Corri

P.S. CeMar, I know you are trying to help, but do you see how your posts are full of negativity, anger, anguish and despair? Remember that old adage, if you can't say something nice, don't say nuthin' at all? Encourage people, hand out your references, start and STICK TO your own thread to vent on your own, but gosh, stop making everything about you on other people's threads, okay?