Jim0987 #6 - starting a bit of a rebuild

[jim0987]

I posting this update in the hope that by writing about it I dont stew on it for ages

Last night my W was out for her work Christmas do (I think OM1 was there). She bundled into the house at about 0300 and I say bundled as she wasnt very quiet and unsurprisingly work me up.

0300 is really late for a tuesday night because round here nowhere is open that late, very few places are open past midnight. It also bothers me that i could never get her to stay out this late as she was always 'too tired'

when she woke up she was in a really good mood considering she had only had at best 3-4 hrs sleep.

anyway I made some comment about her looking happy and asked if she was sober yet (light heartedly) she said she wasnt that drunk at all. I made some comment about her bundling in at 0300 and she said it was it the trains were late and it took ages to get a cab.

I asked a couple of perfectly reasonable questions like did she share a cab with her boss who lives just down the road from us (she said yes), and whether she had a good time (she said yes)

now the last train is at about 23:30 its a 20 minute train ride and then the cab is about 15 minutes + however long it takes to get one. so something didnt add up on the timings.

Anyway I made a couple of other comments about not realising the trains ran that late, she said they were delayed because it was icy, i said it was strange because it wasnt that cold last night (about 9 degrees).

It got to the point that she said i seemed very interested in her trains. to which i said its because something doesnt add up. I then said look you dont have to account for your whereabouts to me. I said im curious because something doesnt make sense and when soemthing doesnt make sense it bugs me (which is true)

Anyway underneath all of this - I think she is lying (again) and i get the impression that she felt she was being interrogated. which is probably how it did feel - more so if she was lying.

Oh yes and she borrowed some money for the bus fare (said 'i normally wouldnt do this' - but her 'borrowing' all my cash was standard before BD). I gave her the money without objection but i guess i wasnt very cheerful about it because i immediately thought of all the bits of cash that have disappeared in the past

all of this meant that what was friendly and happy when she got up was tense and awkward when she left for work. even my goodbye ('have good day, I hope the bus isnt late') came out as a sarcastic dig which in retrospect t was and i just didnt control that well enough - I said it without thinking.

I dont know what happened last night but my suspicion is she ended going back to someone's and since all her local colleagues are married and their partners would have been asleep (even Poisonous Friend still lives with her husband - I dont know if he even knows about his W's affair) that would suggest OM1 or another random guy. Probably i'm being paranoid.

Anyway on the whole i think I should have left it with the friendly did you have a good night and said nothing more - its when she started saying things that didnt add up I started digging.

so Qs
- should i have completely ignored that she went out
- should I have called her out on the lies (there is a small chance that she is telling the truth)
- how do I stop this complex love life of hers bugging me so much.
- is it normal for a WAW to so urgently just pursue ANYONE else who shows interest
- any suggestions for how i can improve the dynamic in my situation (to save the M rather than make her short term nice)
- what can i do to make me and the real world seem like an attractive prospect compared to fantasy land of new man

unrelated my Dad is pretty insistent that I should start being a lot harder on her and initiate Divorce proceedings myself citing her adultery as at least then i would be standing up for myself. I'm starting to come round to this way of thinking but since I dont want a divorce it seems like doing nothing is the better plan, even if it does allow her previous plan (serve the papers the day after she moves out) to go ahead.

so to sum it all up
AAAARRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHH - please someone make this ridiculousness stop. The is so much dishonesty, mistrust and resentment over past wrongs that cant be undone when we could so easily be happy if we could just let it go and tried to build the kind of happy future we both want. (not that i can tell her this or make her believe it)

I reapeat AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!