First, I'm sorry that you are here. But there's a great group of people here who can offer support to you,
Second, have you read either of the books? A lot of things you have asked about, progress, trusting the process, etc is within the books. I actually need to re-read DR to remind myself of a few points and redefine some goals.
It sounds like emotions are really high, on both you and your W's part. I can empathize. When my H and I started this journey a few months ago, every conversation he had resulted in him screaming at me. LITERALLY. And then I would get emotional and he would scream more and it became a merry go round of dysfunction. Even though it hurts, I think the limited contact that we have (and we are on next to no contact) is helping tempers calm down, giving space, calming the storm. So I think communicating via email is a good idea for you right now.
Learn to detach (boy is it not easy) and when your W talks, listen to what they're saying. Follow Sandi's rules, but keep in mind they aren't set in stone.
cadet is right when you say you are being given a gift. And 99% of us probably thought "eff this gift." But truly, embrace what you are feeling, learn about how you were in your marriage, about who you are as a person. Dig deep, if not for your M but for yourself. I've learned more about myself in the two weeks that I've posted here.
Ready to do this?
PS - you might want to add details in your signature line to help people easily identify your situation.
M:32,H 32 T:10, M5 BD/H Move Out: 9/2014 - extreme anger H Mental Illness Diagnosis: 4/15 Served D Papers: 10/15 Divorced: 11/15
