I thought everything was okay...(Part 2)

[MCS]

Your W is separate from you and you are separate from W, neither should attempt to control the other.

Yep, I tried to not control anything and when it got that it was affecting me, I put the agreement in place and talked through it with her. The only control struggle we have right now is the kids.

During the dark time did you GAL? Did you follow Sandis guidelines? What is different about you now after the dark period that would encourage W to give you a second look?

Well, they may be surface items now, but all of the actual issues in our daily M life that she ever mentioned I have been doing exclusively. House, Kids, balancing work, etc.

I've followed her rules on interaction, showing I'm comfortable with myself. Most of the rules I have followed. Only issue is a lot of friends know what is actually going on, not because I told them; but they figured it out. I haven't talked with them about it, but W assumes I did.

Frankly why should W honor any verbal or email boundaries?
I wouldn't unless I believed they were reasonable and H was strong on enforcing them. But then I am not in an A or affected by one. Under those circumstances I may choose to do what I pleased.

Yep, she didn't. I never understood when I first got on here why people trying to save their M would put an agreement in place...now I know. We did talk and she agreed that most were reasonable, this week she's trying to push the envelope on them again. but that's why they're there.

Your trust in W, why trust her and why should you expect to trust after an A? 100% of what they say etc

I don't trust her, but I realize I need to balance out what's good for our kids compared to what I want for the kids. They need to see their mom, they miss her and every night ask why she won't come back. My W never has told me, but they say the same things to her and ask her to come back. Her ignoring them infuriates me. Since we have struggled to have any conversations about the kids, this balance has been tough to do. Especially trying to keep my emotions in check.

I am sure the vets will chip in if I am off beam here, but in order to move from stasis MCS then you need to Tango.

Agree on that, I need to re-read that section

I am still awaiting your plan on giving up judging others.
Go GAL
Vanilla

Yep on both. I did some prelim work in the last post, but I need to think about that one more universally.

Thanks as always Vanilla.