I thought everything was okay...(Part 2)

[MCS]

Well, interesting counseling (mediation) session. She had sent an email prior saying she wanted to talk about Holiday plans. Well when we got started, she switched over to talking about permanently changing the kids' schedules. As you know, I've been pretty leery of sitch's she's put the kids in, last week we established that I'm having trouble trusting her and it would take me a while for her to earn that trust back. Well, I guess she figured a week was enough time, so she laid right in on it.

I reiterated (again) that the best sitch for the kids was for her to settle in her house, move her stuff out of our place and then we could figure out the schedule. We talked about this in our agreement.

There's a ton of issues that I'm going to have to let go but its not conducive to the kids' school, its about 25 minutes away and will add an extra hour onto their school schedule.

Well, when I said that we should wait until the things above, she blew up at me. I stayed calm and collected and just reiterated what we discussed this and other things in the agreement from last week. She continued to get madder at me. Anyway, this went on for a while complaining about a variety of things, but they were all the emotionally tough things in a separation that she's been avoiding. So as she would complain about something, me and the counsellor would try to get some compromise, but she wanted none of it.

Anyway, the weird thing was at one part, she said she didn't want to be in the house with me because she thought I may try to get her to do something. I was joking and said, "what would I handcuff you so you had to stay?" Well, she blew up saying how insensitive that was and it makes her feel horrible and anxious, etc.

Wow, I have no clue where this is coming from. As I've said before, she has said (after BD) that she feels emotionally unsafe (which I still can't figure out) with me. I've never had anyone say that they saw that about me as a person or in our marriage nor has she ever said it in the marriage. However, I partially bought into it until OM was discovered. Now, I think its a big and only part of her justification of the A and her reason for planning to leave me to be with him. This reaction that she had was so over the top that it almost seemed an act.

Anyway, I think this anger is a reaction to the fog lifting. Life seems to be setting in for her right now. She was supposed to make settlement on the house last week, but told me today it would be next week now. So something is wrong there. I think R with OM is either over or she knows it won't ever be anything more than an A with him. Last week she seemed pretty peeved that I had the kids for Xmas eve, but she's the one that made that schedule.

I saw that this session she was in the most distress emotionally, its almost like she was trying to regain control. I think this is part of my detachment last week and I kind of figured from reading here that the next step in the death of an A is anger at LBS. That along with the vulnerability she showed last week I think caused her to start realizing what is going on.


She definitely was not happy; and struggled with her not being able to get rise out of me. The counselor said at the end that this was the best exchange that we have had over the last couple months.