Know one knows what I've been through in my life. Joe Blow could walk past me and has no clue. He doesn't know what I've gone through, but he does get to see the attitude, middle finger in the air, "I'm not taking your chit" mentality.
I haven't been protecting myself from other people so much as I've been protecting myself. Part of the hardness is a coping mechanism, but it's also a way I thought I could control others from hurting me. But the only person I've been hurting is myself. And the relationships I have.
Fantastic.
Ss? Others? Thoughts?
Wow, Calibri, are you my soul sister or what? I think on page two or three of one of my first threads I wrote these same words verbatim. Scary.
The interesting question is, what are we trying to protect ourselves from exactly? And is it working?
MWD says to do what works. Clearly being hard and direct and assertive, or in my case, reactive to the point of verbal brutality, hasn't served us well... At least it hasn't protected us the way we thought it should.
But it's an old habit I find myself slipping back into sometimes. It's comfortable there. Predictable. Controllable.
After a few months I can look back and see I've softened a bit. I used to go years and years without shedding a year. Now I can barely go a day. It's not just my sitch I'm crying over, I'm generally more sensitive to life now, more compassionate, empathetic and I think that may mean my hardened brick walls of emotion are crumbling. I kind of like it.
I've been reading your responses to people on the board, Calibri, and I see that you're doing better than you might think. You sound strong and confident... And you're exploring the world of letting go a bit. That's NOT easy and as someone who is similar in personality, I KNOW it's hard and a process. Give yourself credit.
You're doing it. You're climbing. Just don't look down.
