I thought everything was okay...(Part 2)

[Vanilla]

I think your sitch is very different to that of HP.

To my eyes HP made the greatest changes before he and W split. He was very strong on the OM front, plus he had a lot of acceptance to do. In your sitch, it looks like the boundaries weren't set before the split and that now you will have to establish these. But actually as you are in the home with your children you can make the running.

If I were your W then I believe I would see your expectations especially about domestic harmony and cleaning as an attempt to control and possibly passive aggressive. Your W is separate from you and you are separate from W, neither should attempt to control the other.

Respecting her space is one great step forward and going dark should be for you. Two months isn't really a long dark period and not a lot of time to make impressive changes.

During the dark time did you GAL? Did you follow Sandis guidelines? What is different about you now after the dark period that would encourage W to give you a second look?

I am sure W doesn't agree with many of your decisions either. So detach and STFU. Validate her right to her opinions and if you don't agree and they are not to your benefit get L counsel and look after your rights in this.

There is quite a lot of discussions around the forums and a number of the vets are of the opinion that MC is a waste of money and effort if W has an active EA|PA (this is evident from the discussions on HPs thread). Mediation is useful in negotiating for your children and they must come first over everything. Whilst an A or its aftermath is going on then all discussion of progress in an R is irrelevant.
I firmly believe that OM is a symptom not a cause. MC may just be smoke and mirrors.

Frankly why should W honor any verbal or email boundaries?
I wouldn't unless I believed they were reasonable and H was strong on enforcing them. But then I am not in an A or affected by one. Under those circumstances I may choose to do what I pleased.

Your trust in W, why trust her and why should you expect to trust after an A? 100% of what they say etc

I don't trust my H any further than I can throw him. I don't expect to, it's unrealistic of me to do so. He is completely out of his own self control. That is how an A makes W behave, and her R with OM may or may not be over. Even if it over then the loss of the A can make W run down cheeseless tunnels for a long time. Her decisions will be out of kilter.

I am sure the vets will chip in if I am off beam here, but in order to move from stasis MCS then you need to Tango.

I am still awaiting your plan on giving up judging others.
Go GAL
Vanilla