Card29 VII

[Card29]

Thanks for the awesome words, Ss. You've grown so much since I first saw you on here.

I don't think I've really honestly considered myself dead yet. I know the old marriage is over, I just haven't conceded that last step. And yes, I know that it doesn't mean to give up on a future with W, but I still haven't went there 100%. I have considered that moment, of course. Sometimes I feel anger, other times (when I'm feeling really good about myself and my future) I feel peace.

I also agree and am still surprised that there is no routine in this journey, even with the cycles. Every one feels different. There's no doubt I feel much better than I did over the summer or early fall, but that doesn't mean I don't have times of pure misery anymore.

Today is WAW's 30th bday. I chatted with her about it a bit last night. She's out to dinner with friends tonight. I hate the fact that I'm not celebrating with her. I was her partner, best friend, supporter, cheerleader for all of her 20's, 100x's more than anyone else in her life. To this day I have moments when I think I'm about to wake up from a dream. Six months after BD!