afraid I have waited too long #4

[nit84]

Wonka,

Basically I believe my W has a money figure in mind and her L is mixing a lot of accounts from back when we S and then using more recent number for the retirement plans. My W asked me to find out how much I would be eligible for if I were to refinance the home. I did this and when she was asking me what I wanted property wise about two months later I said I have something for you also to discuss. I let her finish and we were in somewhat agreement over property.

Then she said "what do you have for me?" I told her what value the bank put on the house and the basis of the loan. I knew she wouldn't be happy with the banks value estimate(I was overjoyed because I felt the house was not worth what the bank thought. To cover my bases I had a private appraisal done where he actually walked through the house. That appraisal came in 10,000 less than the bank's.

When I explained to my W that I would assume all the marital debt if she just signed a paper recognizing I borrowed money in my name only against a house she is still part owner of we could get that out of the way. As it works out I would have been able to borrow exactly what our entire debt would be so by assuming her portion it was like a 50/50 split. She would have absolutely no debt and I would have a house that actually is not worth the amount I refinanced it for but would take that risk because I love the and plan on fixing it up once money is available.

Once she had seen the figures she got upset because she was saying she couldn't believe our house went down in value since the last refinance in 2003. I told her it stinks that it did but we haven't kept it up like we should have.

She said I told you to refinance 3 years ago. I said you did and we tried but we hadn't hit the needed debt to equity ratio yet but in 2 to 3 years if we stayed the course it was likely that we could do it then.

Problem is at some point my W jump off the ship because she didn't believe me that this would happen. When I told her this is what we were working towards and it finally happened even though we are separated and she lost her job. She was incensed. I said I never lost sight of the goal and I kept you up to date the whole time. This S stinks but I still kept up with what was a goal ours even if now it is only me.

I told her when we first S that "a D would Emotionally and Financially devastate us both." She heard "This will finanically devastate you."

She believes she deserves more property and money because she makes less money and because she has to start over.

We agree that their should be no Alimony Post D and we both should pick up our own legal fees.

Not sure if that will change if there is another proposal given to me.


The last time I was face to face with my W was at a Funeral for a friends 4 month old baby.

She had basically lost touch with these friends after the S where I had not When the tragedy happened I was supportive when they needed or wanted me. I was in touch with the family and once the Baby passed away I didn't get the new till the next day because I was letting them handle it on their term.

I checked my email that morning and my W actually emailed me that previous night saying he had passed. This was the 1st contact since she moved out 10 days previous. I answered her saying I was praying and knew it was bad but did not know he passed thanks for letting me know.

At the funeral home I went to the viewing and knew I wouldn't see my W because she was still working. It was really sad.

I told the family I would be there for the Funeral the next day. I wasn't positive my W would come but when I pulled in to the lot I saw her car and said ok just act cool because when you go in she will be there. So I thought anyways. I got out of my car and headed for the door I heard a car door shut and the hurried pace of high heeled shoes. I just kept my normal gait not looking behind me. the paced slowed and I knew that walk, it was my W. I still continued in to the home not looking back.

Once through line I stood in an area. My W was behind me and I thought I heard her say "hey" in a soft voice. She went around me and stood in front of me and I said "hi" she didn't say anything then she turned and came towards me I asked her a quick question about the color that everybody was wearing and she answered and walked away. We stood at opposite ends during the service. It was emotional for me. I was tearing up and when I looked over at her she also was crying. At Least I know she still has feelings.

After the service she left right away. Later that evening I went over to the house with the family to comfort them. Strangely, They asked if My W and I came together. I said no and they said it sure looked that way and how she seemed to wait for me show up before entering the Funeral home.

That was our only face to face in almost 3 months now.

I agree with you on the A. that is why I am patiently waiting but also still working on myself.


My W has tightened her circle up real tight. She has forgotten or ignored all her friends except the couple of new ones from the gym she joined before we S. OM is a trainer there and this is how A started. She told me about other male friends she had at the Gym but I can't see any of them having interest in her after she made her choice of the trainer.

If this A fizzles, she has pretty much burned a lot of bridges with mutual friends, she will have to build new relationships with them or others. If she were to decide to work on our M my friends who were mutual told me they would still be friends with us. They would support our efforts to R and not judge my W or I. She doesn't know this. My W believes all these friends have taken my side and that is why she dropped them.

As far as GAL. I volunteer at my good friend Dog Grooming shop to be around the dogs and cats. In fact I am playing Santa Claus for them for pictures. I have played Santa in the past for Children at the club I belong to. Unfortunately it recently closed but before it did I would go there on Friday and Saturday nights. The running joke is that the Club shut down because I stopped drinking and there was no money to pay the light bill. My W and I would spend probably 100.00 every weekend when we were there.

I also love to watch Airplanes take off and Land so I go out to the closest airport and sit and watch them while sometimes journaling.

My Nephew Plays College Hockey Local to me so I go watch all his games. That is not new but Before We would miss some because we had other things to do now I make sure I don't miss any. I joined a different gym than my W actually a couple. I was going faithfully but then got busy at work so that has stopped but I need to get back into it over the winter.

Believe it or not I consider Cleaning my house a GAL activity because it is something I wanted to do but didn't because my W took it as a slap in the face that I was trying to clean to show her up and therefore we always ended up arguing about it so it never got done. I have been back in the house for a year next week and I started to clean back then but now that it is just me It is easier. I don't have the money to do the renovation work I want to do because it is tied up in this mess.

I continue to go to the same concerts I did when we were happy and still will attend a Nascar event that is a yearly thing.


Sorry this so long but I couldn't figure out how to shorten it.

Thanks again for any help.