3 months after BD, the roller coaster ride hurts

[devotee]

The OM thing is progressing. I know I am supposed to be focusing on myself and he makes me really open my eyes and appreciate myself. It's not physical, we just talk a lot. It has really helped me start detaching. I've gone out with friends several nights this week and enjoyed this time. H has been acting rejected and jealous of me going out. He's started pushing selling the condo again.

When I talk about trying to control my husband I refer to altering my own behavior to try and sway him back to me. Staying home and making him happy, cooking him dinner, talking with him and watching his TV shows...
I've been doing this to an extreme since the BD back in May, but to a smaller extent, for years. I was decling invites from friends to stay home to make H happy. I wouldn't talk about my DJing because it upset him. So not drastic controlling, actually it seems that he was more the controller.
I met him when I was 21, 18 years ago through mutual friends and our scene. He always was more dominant as far as important decisions, whereas I allowed him to suppress my independence.
My dad has always been controlling. H actually kind of reminds me of him.

Results of my controlling? I do feel I've made life easier for H and it's made him friendlier and extended our marriage. I feel if I hadn't acted this way, he would have left me back in April.